


Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

by SariahHime



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Captain!Eren, Future Fic, Jearen - Freeform, M/M, canonverse, commander!jean, erejean - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-02-25 07:47:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2613959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SariahHime/pseuds/SariahHime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been ten years since the successful coupe d'etat, but even time can't change how Eren and Jean feel about each other. No, it just forces all of their pent up feelings out in an explosive rivalry as Captain and Commander.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Captain and Commander

“Aberrant incoming from the west!” A voice shouted above the thundering hooves of the horses. Captain Jaeger shifted his gaze to the treeline as he leaned to the left, directing the large animal towards the incoming threat.

“Mikasa!”

Black eyes met green, then with a simple nod, she too broke formation taking her squad along. Eren followed close behind, leaving the rest of the survey corps to continue north towards home.

“Captain! Let us help!” A young boy spoke out from the main herd.

“Follow the Commander. That’s an order!” He didn’t even look back to his own squad member that had called out to him. As the pounding hooves died away, the aberrant came into full view.

Easily a 25 meter class, belly like a pig; it’s arms and legs didn’t look strong enough to hold it’s weight, but the zig-zag pattern it ran in said otherwise. It didn’t even seem to notice the seven humans closing in on it. Eren looked at the monster’s face, a habit he developed upon learning that titans were once humans. He felt he owed them that much if he was gonna kill the creatures. It’s large, murderous eyes were not focused anywhere in particular as Mikasa and her squad took the left flank and Eren soloed the right. Just as they began to get into kill range, it’s gaze locked onto Eren. Immediately, it turned it’s back to the larger group of people and made a beeline for the young captain.

“Heh. Perfect!” His eyes ignited when he pulled right and the aberrant followed. He hugged the treeline and a smirk grew on his face; being “The Coordinate” definitely had it’s benefits.

He stood in the saddle, stretching his back to twist and leer up at the ugly titan. Raising a bandaged hand in the air, he shouted profanities as if to provoke it. Eren was not dumb. Okay, he wasn’t entirely dumb. He knew that would achieve nothing, but he enjoyed it. His long dark brown hair caught a gust of wind causing loose strands to fall into his vision.

“Tch,” He tucked them back behind his ears, still twisted around in the saddle. “If it wasn’t for this damn ponytail, I’d cut it all off.”

Well, it wasn’t much of a ponytail. Small, and low on his head, but it kept everything in place. When he was younger long hair was out of the question, but as years passed he started to let things like that slide. Behind both of them, taking to the trees, Mikasa rolled her eyes. Her men abandoned their mounts as well to follow their squad leader on 3D maneuvering gear. It had been 10 years since the successful coup d’etat, and only two since Eren became Captain, but he hadn’t really changed in all that time. Granted, he wasn’t as angry anymore, but he still took too much pleasure in taking down titans. Not that Mikasa minded, really, missions were easier when Eren went on a killing spree.

Through the straps of her harness that hugged her frame, she could feel the vibrations of the grappling hooks as they connected to the trees with a crunching thud. The gas propulsion lightened her body like a bird’s allowing her to soar directly to the weak spot in her vision. Before charging forward fully, she paused. Looking to her teammates, she decided to rely on the youngsters; let them get their first in-field kill. With a wave of her hand, they responded and jumped into action as she pulled back. The five recruits who had just been hand picked by her two months ago, were already on the titan before she could blink.

With practiced precision, the two youngest at 15, took out the ankles. Cam, a blond girl and top of her class, spun to the left. While her counterpart, Jona, spun to the right. At the same time, Josef and Ned each took out an eye. The aberrant started to fall, much to Eren’s dismay, as the final and oldest member of Squad Ackerman ran along the spine to dive into a thick slice that tore the weak spot away in one, steamy chunk. The 17 year old titan-killer dropped to the ground, knees bending from the force, and immediately began wiping his blades.

“Damn, that didn’t take as long as I thought it would.” Eren had slowed and circled back to meet the group, now gathered by the titan’s steaming body.

“Captain Jaeger, sir!” Bo, who was still cleaning his blade of titan residue, quickly saluted him as he approached; as did the rest of the nervous teenagers. Eren scrunched his face at the formal greeting.

“Don’t do that. It’s creepy.”

Looking to one another, they hesitantly lowered their arms as Mikasa brought their horses back. Like a unit, they turned and nearly saluted her as well before being shot down with her glare.

“Relax, you did great for a first kill,” she greeted them, then turned to her adoptive brother “we can’t waste anymore time. I’ll fire the signal, you get back to the Commander.”

Everything grew deathly quiet, the cadets all frozen in place waiting for Captain Jaeger’s reply. It was well known that Eren had a short fuse and could sport a nasty temper when he needed to, especially if someone tried to tell him what to do. There was even talk amongst their class that he had bad blood with the previous Captain who was now Commander of the Garrison.

But, the kids were young, none of them really knew any of this. Nor did they know Mikasa very well yet. All they had to go off of was the rumors of her being stronger than most men.

“Yeah, yeah…” Eren waved a dismissive hand to her, much to the squad’s relief. “I’m going.”

Mikasa could feel his eyes rolling from where she stood.

He pulled on the reins, cloak flipping from the sudden jerk, and took off for the faint image of the survey corps. Unfortunately, the Commander would be there too.

They had only wasted a little bit of time on the titan, so the formation hadn’t progressed very far. Within a few minutes, and a little extra push from Eren to get his horse to run faster, he caught up to the rear. Ignoring the half salutes and shouts of acknowledgement, he made his way to the front.

Leading the Survey Corps, as the 14th Commander, a set of broad shoulders and messy sandy-brown hair gallantly rode north. The familiar back seemed miles away but he could practically taste him he was so close. Eren ached to be next to him. The mere thought drove him to urge his mount faster. He needed to see his face….needed to hear his voice….

“Yo, horseface.”

“Fuck you, Titan-shitter”

Commander Jean Kirschtein, whipped his head to the left, and squinted at his Captain. Their long-standing rivalry was very much alive in that moment. Eren raised an eyebrow at him followed by his signature half smirk, while Jean just glared.

“ Ouch, why so touchy?” Eren was laying on the mock ‘I’m so offended’ act really thick.

“Tch. you started the name calling.” Jean looked forward, but kept the grimace in place.

“I’ve called you horseface since we were like, 15.”

“Doesn’t mean you didn’t start it.”

“Wow. What are you, 5?”

“Shut the hell up before I kick your ass!”

“HA! I dare you.”

“Dammit, Eren! I fucking swe--"

“Hey!” A small voice piped up from just behind them, cutting off whatever Jean was about to say. Like two stunned deer, they both looked over their shoulders at the person who had the gall to interrupt Commander Kirschtein and Captain Jaeger.

Of course, it was their favorite little tactician. Armin Arlert was only a few paces behind their galloping figures, his shoulder length blonde hair was partially pulled back to reveal fiery blue eyes. It was rare for Armin to be angry, but it wasn’t unusual at all for him to call the two leaders out. It was kinda his job, after all.

“Are you two going to keep arguing like children or are you going to discuss the aberrant? I swear you two are more obsessed with each other than Hanji is with titans.” His gentle voice did nothing to mask the snarky edge to to his tone.

Eren cleared his throat and looked to Jean who was nervously scratching the back of his head.

A small “oh shit!” was heard a few rows back. It was most definitely Connie.

“Right, as you saw with the flare, the aberrant has been eliminated.” He gestured to the sky with a bandaged hand upon mentioning the signal.

It was only for a second, but Jean looked a little too long at the hand. Eren noticed and quickly went back to holding the reins, hiding underneath his cloak.

“Did you have to shift?” Jean phrased it as a question, but the words came across with too much worry laced through them.

Eren looked anywhere but at his face. If he saw his brown eyes, that would be the end of him. They rode in silence for a few moments, both wanting the tension to ease, before he responded.

“No, Mikasa’s squad took care of it. I just used the coordinate to lead it.” The Commander’s shoulders slumped in relief, but only enough to be noticed by Armin who rode directly behind his horse. The blonde sighed internally at the two of them.

It was obvious to him how they felt about each other. In fact, it was probably obvious to every person in the whole damn corps except the two of them. Armin had been stealthily using his skills as a tactician to get his two friends and superior officers to realize it for themselves for years now. But, he also knew it was complicated for more reasons than one. Firstly, Eren had a few “titan” issues.

Jean made a point not to look at Eren for the remainder of the ride back home. He still desired to kick the brat’s ass, but no one had to know what he really thought. In the past couple of years Eren’s bite marks had stopped healing along with other small scrapes and bruises. Instead, they would form permanent scars which his body was slowly starting to be covered with. Hanji thought it was a side effect of aging and overuse of his titan form. Weirdly enough losing an arm or a leg wasn’t an issue, those would just grow right back like usual. When he got a fresh limb, that was the only time his skin was smooth. But again, like Hanji said, it might be a side effect. According to her, Eren was losing the ability to heal a little bit at a time.

Jean clenched his eyes shut, as if that would block out the thoughts. He didn’t want to even think about what that would mean for Eren. He shook his head and refocused. Home was within site.

\---

A knock on his door shook Eren awake. He was a fairly light sleeper so even people walking by his room could disturb him. He didn’t get up immediately, exhaustion from their recent mission held him in place. Dropping his gaze from the ceiling to the shadows under the door, he watched to see if they would just go away.

“Eren, it’s me.” No such luck. “I know you’re awake”

He groaned as he drug himself off the firm mattress and shuffled to the entrance of his room. The old wood creaked under his boots he had never taken off so it was impossible to turn back now. He would know for sure he was awake. Eren sighed and slowly opened the heavy door to let Jean enter.

“Do you always have to sleep in your uniform?” Commander Kirschtein sneered as he stepped past Eren.

“Do you always have to bother me when I’m sleeping?” He retorted.

Jean ignored him, refusing to rise to Eren’s taunt. That was not what he was there for. He lit a candle on the night-stand and sat on the edge of the Captain’s untidy bed. Aside from the crumpled blankets, the room was spotless. Eren always cleaned when he was upset.

“Commander Levi scared you into a clean-freak…” Jean quietly mused to himself.

“What did you say?” Eren growled.

“Nothing, just talking to myself.”

Silence fell between the two of them. Eren stood by the now closed door, waiting for Jean to ask what he knew he would.

“What did Hanji say?” Jean mumbled, like he was afraid to ask.

Eren shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He hated this topic, but he knew he couldn’t avoid it with him.

“Same. Nothing’s changed.” He moved towards the desk and sat in the wooden chair in front of his bed. Crossing his arms over his chest was Eren’s fail-safe sign of insecurity. A little tick Jean picked up on from spending so much time together as Captain and Commander.

“What are you hiding.” It wasn’t a question, Jean was demanding Eren tell the truth. Even in the dim light Jean could see his green eyes shift away from him.

“Nothing,” but then Eren thought better of it. “It’s just, I don’t want you to see.”

Jean’s shoulders fell and his eyes reflexively softened at his confession.

“Okay,” he sat up straighter, leaning a little further away from Eren. “See what? Your scars? I’ve seen them before…”

“I know, It’s just…” Eren uncrossed and then recrossed his arms. “You get this look, and it pisses me off.”

Jean narrowed his eyes, not sure if that was an insult about his appearance or if Eren was being vague on purpose. The young Captain allowed his gaze to meet Jean’s finally, and then they became prisoners to each other. Now that Eren thought about it, this happened a lot. It was one of the many reasons he hated looking at his face.

“What look?” He pushed. “If you’re gonna say I look like a hor-”

“No, that’s not it!” Eren snapped. He sighed in frustration and bent forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Jean matched him, bringing their faces closer.

“Then what is it?” He whispered.

Eren touched one of his hands with his own. He still had not replaced the bandages after Hanji’s examination. She required him to meet with her after every mission whether or not he “shifted”. He was grateful she cared so much about his well-being, but it was annoying to be treated like an old toy that needed constant maintenance.

Jean dropped his eyes as he felt the uneven skin of Eren’s hand. Crescent shaped grooves marred the surface of his tanned flesh. His brow scrunched and his lips tugged into a frown as he studied the white marks. It was hard to find an expanse of skin that was perfectly smooth. He ran his hand up past his wrist, pulling the shirt sleeve with it. The marks continued, gradually getting more sparse until they stopped completely at his elbow. He despised how fascinated he was with Eren’s old wounds.

“There,” Eren’s voice snapped Jean’s head back up. “That face. I don’t like it.”

Somehow they had moved closer while he was inspecting the damage. Less than a foot separated them now. Jean cocked an eyebrow at him.

“I’m upset, Eren,” he stated bluntly. “Naturally so, too. Anyone would be if someone they cared for had to go through this.” He lifted the arm he still held.

“Cared for?” Eren was a little slow on the meaning. “All you’ve ever done is give me nasty looks and work me like a dog.”

“You dumbass,” Jean pulled away from him. “That’s your job. I was talking about something completely different.”

“I know what my job is, idiot.”

“Obviously not since you’re confusing my personal feelings and your duties.”

“Your personal feelings are what force me to clean the women’s bathroom once a month!”

“Hey! That was not my doing, and you know it!” Jean gave him a pointed glare. “Women have stuff to deal with and Mikasa said you’re the most detailed with cleaning.”

“Oh, that’s fucking gross.” Eren threw his hands up. “You didn’t have to say it like that.”

Whatever moment had existed between them before, was gone. Jean was irritated beyond belief at how dense Eren could be sometimes. He stood up from the bed and looked down at his long time friend.

“You started it,” Jean shrugged.

Eren stood as well, not wanting to be literally talked down to. Well, he was still shorter than Jean but at least he could fight back on his feet.

“How childish,” he deadpanned, completely unimpressed. “Don’t you have Commander things to be doing?”

“Yes, and I was just going.” He moved towards the door, leaving Eren behind. But before he could pull it open, something grabbed his sleeve. Shocked, he slowly turned his head back.

“I’m sorry,” Eren was looking at his feet. “I know what you meant, about caring for me and all.”

Jean’s eyes widened slightly. He turned to face him as his sleeve was released. Eren looked up to meet him as he did so, puppy dog eyes in full force. Something clenched in Jean’s chest.

“Oh, um..don’t worry about it.” _That was lame_ , he thought. _Good job, Jean_ …

“I’m just frustrated that you and Hanji, Mikasa and Armin, all of you...you all worry and fret over me. I’m fine. I can take care of myself.” He didn’t mean it in a bad way. He truly hated seeing other’s worry about him because it meant they weren’t focused on themselves. Eren would never let himself live it down if someone was killed out there because they couldn’t stop thinking about him. To survive in this world, you had to fight. Fighting meant you had to try. Trying meant you had to care enough about yourself to survive, and surviving meant living.

“Eren, you can’t be a one man army forever.” Jean interrupted his thoughts. “Sometimes it’s okay to rely on others. When you work as a team, you’re trusting those around you. That’s the best way to show you care out there. And trust me, we all care about you.”

Flashbacks of 10 years prior flooded Eren’s mind at those words. So much death and desperation in one day. Petra, Auruo, Erd, Gunther...all dead. Dead because he trusted in his comrades. It’s not that he didn’t believe Jean, it’s just it was so much easier to keep everyone alive if he forced them out of the way.

“I don’t want to talk about that right now” He motioned to the door, signifying the end of their conversation.

Jean sighed, knowing it was a futile battle he waged. He pulled the door open and stepped into the lit hall. Before he could even turn around and say goodbye, Eren had shut him out.

“Goodbye to you too,” he said over his shoulder as he walked away.

From inside the room, Eren was slumped against the door. He could’ve sworn Jean had said something but it was far too muffled to make out.

“Bye, Jean.”

\---

The mess hall was close to empty the next morning. That was to be expected the day after missions, everyone was too tired to wake up in time to actually feed themselves. Most members of the Survey Corps trudged in at the crack of noon for lunch before afternoon training. Eren was normally one of those people.

Mikasa nearly dropped her bread at seeing Eren plop down across from her. She looked to the other few people that occupied the small hall, silently asking if she was seeing things. The most response she got was an obnoxious yawn from Sasha.

“I’m glad you decided to join me this morning.” She went back to the gruel and bread they always ate. Eren put his head in his hands and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“Morning.” He looked to the serving line, as if he was willing a bowl to magically fill itself and settle down in front of him.

“Are you hungry, Eren?” She pushed the remainder of her gruel towards him.

He eyed the half eaten bowl of mystery breakfast and stood up to walk away from her. He grabbed his own bowl and bread before coming back to his seat.

“You eat your food, I’ll eat mine.” Using the bread like a spoon, he shoveled in as much as he could swallow at one time.

“You’ll choke,” Mikasa said flatly. “And you look ridiculous.”

Eren looked at her over the top of his makeshift bread-spoon, pausing for a moment to give her a dirty glare. She sighed and let him continue to eat the way he wanted. How long has it been since she stopped trying to win these little fights? She wasn’t even sure anymore. Instead, she let him finish his meal in silence.

Some young recruits fresh from the Training Corps marched into the hall. Their loud voices carried since no one was really talking. Having had an adequate amount of sleep the night before since they hadn’t been on a week long mission like the rest, they were laughing and full of energy. Mikasa dropped her gaze to her food, determined to ignore them. She was more worried Eren might turn around and attack one of them. Luckily, he had placed his head on the table and wrapped his arms around his face like he was sleeping.

The trio were making their way to the food line when one of them noticed Mikasa. She knew what the younger Corps members thought of her, having to constantly decline offers of flowers and love confessions. The kids looked nervous as they walked by and waved to her. Thinking that to be all, she went back to her food without so much as an acknowledgement towards them.

“Excuse me,” a voice called from behind her. She turned her head and looked up to see one of the boys she had ignored. She didn’t respond, just continued to stare at him until he decided to speak again.

“Squad Leader Ackerman, um my name is Marl and I know you don’t know me very well but I think you’re really pretty and you shouldn’t let people like the Captain treat you that way since you are so pretty...and well I guess what I’m trying to say is...I lik-” The boy froze mid-sentence, a look of horror washing over his face. Mikasa closed her eyes, pretty sure of what had just happened.

“Eren...”

“No...no, Mikasa. Let him finish.” He had revealed his face to the boy. The scariest thing about his expression was that there wasn’t one. Marl had no way of telling how pissed off he was or wasn’t, all he knew was that he had just insulted Captain Jaeger right in front of him.

The boy’s two other friends had fled the moment they realized what was happening. As for the other’s in the mess hall, no one seemed to notice Eren was tormenting a new recruit. Since they all had grown up with him, they were used to his rude behavior.

“You were saying?” Eren tilted his head slightly, feigning curiosity.

“Uh, Captain Jaeger, sir!” He saluted him. “I’m sorry for my rudeness. It won’t happen again.”

“Good. Stay away from Mikasa.” He looked the frightened boy in the eye. “Now, leave.”

Without another word, or breakfast, Marl ran from the mess hall.

“I love doing that.” He stretched his arms over his head and smirked.

“You know they fear you, right?” Mikasa sighed. “But you’re like a stuffed toy. All fluffy on the inside.”

“Ha! Are you saying I’m soft?” Eren’s outburst caused a few people to jump. He ruffled his own hair, furthering his bedhead, “Maybe I am.”

Another body and bowl dropped down next to Eren, causing the two to stop mid conversation.

“Never thought you would admit that, Eren,” Armin laughed. Eren punched his shoulder and gave him a disgruntled look.

“Shut up, Armin. Get a haircut.”

“You’re one to talk. Your hair is longer than mine now.”

“Mine is shorter than the both of yours, too.” Mikasa interjected, twirling her chin length locks around her index finger.

“I still think it looks good on you.” Eren had noticed her hair getting shorter and shorter and was happy to think he had caused that. She sent a small smile over her red scarf. That was another thing Eren was happy he had caused.

“How’s Jean.” Armin was a mood killer. Eren continued to look at Mikasa, not wanting to see the smile on his friend’s face.

“Nope.” He stood up from the table and began to head for the door.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Armin grabbed his sleeve, pulling him back down into his seat. He would sound panicked if there wasn’t a laugh hiding in his voice. “I’m sorry, I just want to know what you guys talked about last night. I saw him leave your room.”

“Okay,” Eren added a lilt to his tone to imply the statement was meant to be sarcastic and not approving. “Why does it matter?”

“He looked upset,” Armin pointed his spoon at him. “What did you do?”

“What? Why does it have to be me? Maybe he did something!” Eren threw his hands up and looked to Mikasa for support. She was pretending to eat from an empty bowl.

“Uh-huh, that tells me you did do something.” Armin went back to eating.

“I didn’t…” Eren groaned. “I mean, I don’t know. I said his face pissed me off.”

“And you don’t think there’s anything wrong with that?” Armin looked up at him, spoon halfway to his mouth. “That’s pretty harsh.”

“Tch! I say stuff like that all the time, though.” Eren sounded like he was pleading with him. “He always looks upset about my scars and I got mad. That’s all that happened.” Armin slowly nodded and went back to eating without a reply. Mikasa smiled and stood up from the table.

“What?” Eren looked between the two of them, confusion falling over his features. “Why do you look like you know something I don’t?”

“I’ll see you at training, Eren.” Mikasa waved and walked away.

“Hey, Mikasa! What was that about? What do you know!?” Eren called to her as she hurried through the front entrance. He turned his gaze to Armin who suddenly had become very interested in his bread.

“We’re best friends, right?” Eren tried. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I don’t know, maybe you should ask Jean.” Eren was about to say he didn’t want to talk to that horseface about anything when the door flew open.

“Oi, Eren!” Armin nearly laughed at his perfect timing. Eren groaned.

“What the hell do you want?” Eren stood up to face the Commander as he approached. As much as he despised him, he couldn’t help but admire the presence he held when he entered a room. It was like everything grew dark and he was the center of all the light that existed. It could also be that everyone within a 10 foot radius literally stops to salute him.

“I have some documents I need to discuss with you.” He stood halfway across the room from him, “my office. Now.”

“See ya, Eren.” A hand slapped his shoulder, causing him to stumble forward.

“Thanks, Armin…” He looked over his shoulder to his best friend who was taking back their empty bowls before trudging towards the person he was trying to avoid.

“I don’t have all day, Jaeger.” Jean snapped and placed his hand on hip. His tone was much more edgy than normal, enough so that it caught Eren’s attention.

“Geez, wake up on the wrong side of the haystack?” He grumbled as they left the hall together. The morning was hot and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Training was going to be a literal hell that afternoon. Eren squinted into the bright sunlight and shifted to walk in Jean’s shadow.

“What, not in the mood for banter?” Eren continued when he didn’t reply.

“Something like that.” Jean was wearing his glasses, which was a rare occurrence. That usually meant he didn’t sleep the night before and was trying to hide how tired his eyes were.

“ _‘Banter is a big word, Eren. You sure about that?’_ was the correct response, by the way” Eren pulled out his best impersonation of Jean. The taller male glanced sideways at him for a second.

“That was pretty accurate, actually.” Jean breathed out a faint laugh and allowed the corners of his mouth to twitch into a smile. It wasn’t long before he seemed to remember he was supposed to be upset and an even deeper frown took it’s place. They rounded a corner between two buildings, the shade there and the cool breeze making them walk a little slower.

“I try,” Eren laughed. “So why the hell are you so upset?”

“You’re as elegant as ever,” Jean removed his glasses as they approached their headquarters. “I just didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Well, that was obvious since you wore your glasses. I meant why are you being an ass. Like, more so than you usually are.” They walked through the large entrance way into the dark hallways that signified the Survey Corps headquarters. The cool air washed over them but unfortunately for Jean, it did little to ease his tension.

“I’m not an ass.”

His brow furrowed as the heavy doors slammed behind them. Eren let out an audible “tch” that Jean responded to with a click of his tongue. Both of them were too exhausted, especially now with the sun draining their energy before the day could begin. They remained uncomfortably quiet all the way to the office of the Commander, the only noise being their boots thumping heavily on the stone floor. Eren eyed the back of Jean’s head and trailed down his spine to land on the Wings of Freedom brazenly displayed on his back. He was sure Jean was stressed, he could tell by the way his shoulders tensed every time a cadet salutes him or how his brow twitches when orders for a new mission reach his desk. He knows he isn’t best at communicating how he feels, but after 2 years as Commander and Captain, Eren would think he would open up to him some. Even now as he followed his movements, he could see how stiff his steps were.

“You even sound like a horse when you walk. Try relaxing for a change. It might do you some good.” Eren crossed his arms over his chest and nearly crashed into Jean who had come to an abrupt stop.

“Hey, what the he--”

“Can you shut up for five minutes?!” They had reached his office. Jean had his hand on the doorknob, the other thrown out in exasperation. Eren took a step back, surprised by the sudden outburst.

“What?” He gritted his teeth, forcing the word out.

“You’re such a child! Is it so bad to want a little peace and quiet when I’m with you?!” A few cadets who had been chatting at the next turn in the hallway hurriedly ran past in an effort to avoid any stray wrath.

“Can we have this conversation inside, please.” Eren murmured, watching the cadets run by. Jean narrowed his eyes, taking Eren prisoner in his gaze like he always did. He didn’t back down from the Commander’s gaze, opting to remain locked in a staring contest until Jean willed his pride down enough to finally open the door.

The office looked the same as it had when Erwin Smith inhabited it. Well, Jean had moved the couch to the opposite wall but for the most part nothing had changed. The large desk still sat in the same place, and when he looked at it he was still reminded of the old days when he was a member of Levi’s squad. He shook his head, returning his mind to Jean who had taken to leaning against that very same desk.

“Okay, we’re inside.” He put his glasses on the desk and folded his arms.

“Wha-- you were the one yelling and making a scene! Why do I have to start the conversation?” He stood about ten feet away from Jean, wanting to give him his space in case he snapped again.

“Well, you obviously have some sort of problem with me. Both today and last night you completely shut me out, you act like I fucking bother you and that pisses me off” He rubbed his temples, his voice a lot calmer than Eren expected.

“Last night? You mean…” Eren took a step forward, scrunching his face at Jean. “We have been at each other’s throats for over ten years, why the hell do you care if I think you’re a bother or not?”

Jean paused his temple massage, dropping his hand to his side. Eren wasn’t that bright, but it freaked him out how close that question was to pulling up the truth. He moved another step forward making Jean grunt, unsure how to respond.

“Are you naturally stupid or do you have to practice at it?”

“Are you fucking serious.” Eren spun on his heel and marched to the couch. He plopped down and threw his head back. “I thought you dragged me here for paperwork.”

Jean stood, silently thanking whatever god that existed Eren was dense enough to be distracted so easily. He moved around to the other side of the desk and shuffled through the documents he received for their next mission.

“Right, paperwork.”


	2. Storm and Surprise

 

“Levi’s coming?” Eren sat up so quickly, the couch creaked in protest.

“Is that all you got out of everything I just said?” Jean put a hand on his hip and glared at him over his glasses. “You need to make sure your squad’s barracks are in top shape for the inspection. The Commander-in-Chief will be here personally so Commander Levi is the least of your worries.” He shuffled his documents and pulled the ones labeled URGENT.

“Trust me, I’m more afraid of Levi than I am of Erwin.” He stepped closer to the messy desk and peered over to read the papers in his hand. “Are those for the next mission?”

“Yes.” He opened the top drawer and shoved them inside haphazardly. “But it can wait until after the inspection tomorrow. Now, go.”

Eren narrowed his eyes, fighting the urge to make a retort. Deciding it was pointless to argue any further he turned his back on Jean.

“Don’t be late for training.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

He closed the door to the office behind himself and stepped into the dimly lit hall. He nodded to Sasha and Connie who were headed to who-knows-where with their arms full of bread.

“Yo, Eren! Want some?” Connie held out a small loaf much to Sasha’s dismay.

“Commie!” Crumbs flew from her lips as she struggled to take back the offered bread. He laughed and dodged her hands, taking off down the hall.

“Don’t run with food in your mouth!” Eren called out to them. “Geez…”  

“Captain Jaeger, sir!” Eren jumped when he turned around to be face to face with a small, saluting blonde girl.

“Liza, relax.” He shifted uncomfortably at the dedicated attention. His youngest, and newest, squad member slowly dropped her fist. A pink tinged graced her pale cheeks as she tucked a strand of her short hair behind her ear.

“S-sorry, sir. I forgot you don’t like that, um…” She trailed off, looking anywhere besides Eren.

“Is there something you need,” he prompted.

“Oh! Um, well Squad Leader Arlert sent me to find you. He said something about... about your head…” She trailed off again, desperately avoiding his gaze.

“Go on.” His eyes grew dark, anticipating her next words.

“Um, please don’t be mad at me but he said you should pull your head out of that horses ass and take care of your squad, sir!” Her eyes clamped shut and she practically squeaked out the last line.

“Tch. That little--” Eren stomped past her causing the young recruit to jump in fright. She quickly righted herself and trailed after him.

“Where is he?” He demanded through gritted teeth.

“Your office, sir! But, I don’t get what he said to you.” Liza struggled to make her small legs move fast enough to keep up with Eren’s wide stride. Younger members were scattering in his wake, afraid to be on the receiving end of his explosive temper. Maybe it was respect that caused everyone to give him space, or maybe it was the fact that he was the only shifter in the walls. Well, the only one allowed to move freely, anyway.

“He wants my attention. I guess today is his lucky day.”

They rounded the final corner and his office door came into view. Liza was still clinging to his heels, afraid that if she left Eren alone he might break something. Maybe even Armin. The last few steps had the girl practically running to catch up when Eren threw the door open.

“Armin! What the hell was that abo--”

“Hello, Eren. Long time no see”

Commander-in-Chief Erwin Smith stood in front of his desk. He held a bag with what looked like more documents in his left hand. Of course, his right no longer existed. It hadn’t for ten years.

“Uh, sir I’m sorry I didn’t know you were here already.” Eren saluted him, taken aback by his presence. A small gasp at his side let him know Liza had caught up.

“Commander-in-Chief Erwin Smith, sir!” She saluted as well. If Eren was correct this was her first time meeting the most talked about man in the Survey Corps. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a snickering blonde in the corner. Eren made a mental note to tear into him later.

“That’s quite alright,” he smiled at them. “You can relax. I’m not here on official business.”

“No? Isn’t the inspection tomorrow?” Eren stepped into his office to close the door behind Liza.

“Yes, but Levi will take care of it. I just wanted to see everyone.” He sat the bag down on Eren’s desk, Levi’s old desk, and reached out to offer a handshake. Eren took it gladly.

“It’s good to see you again, Erwin.”

“Same to you, Eren.”

He looked past Eren’s shoulder and spotted Liza shaking like a leaf, obviously feeling way out of her league.

“Hello there, my name is Erwin Smith. Who might you be?” He approached the young recruit who proceeded to gape like a fish. She frantically looked between Eren and Erwin, unsure how to actually form words. Eren finally had to mouth the word “speak” to her from behind Erwin’s broad back.

“Liza, sir,” came her meek voice. “Liza Bronaugh”

“She’s a member of my squad. Youngest recruit I’ve taken, only 15.”

“Oh?” He raised a thick eyebrow, a smirk forming on his face. “Eren is hard to please, you must be really talented.”

Her face lit up at the compliment, her tiny hand shooting forward to accept his request for a handshake. Erwin chuckled at her enthusiasm.

“Thank you, sir!”

“It was nice to meet you, Miss Liza.”

“You too, sir!”

Letting go of the tiny ball of energy, he looked back towards Eren who had been watching his recruit affectionately.

“Armin, it’s time to go.” He finally moved out of his hiding spot in the corner of the room, earning a disgusted look from Eren. “Sorry to barge in on you like this, Eren. We’ll be on our way now”

“Anytime, sir.” He waved as Erwin made his way out of his office. Armin got the middle finger, but it only succeeded in making him snort. When the door shut behind them he heaved a sigh of relief.

“Captain?”

“Yeah?”

“Did...did a storm just blow through?”

“Something like that.”

Eren slumped against his desk, not bothering to stop the loose strands of hair that covered his face. He silently cursed himself for deciding to wake up early today. Making a mental never to do it again, he looked up and noticed Liza had already begun to pull fresh paper and ink from the spare cabinets. He smiled, amused how she had to stretch to the tips of her toes to reach the top shelf. She reminded him of another small blonde girl he had once fought to protect. Maybe it was that friendship that caused him to be so inclined to watch after this one. Eren loomed over her and pulled the remainder of the supplies from the back of the cabinet where she couldn’t reach.

“Oh!” She backed away, cheeks flushed. “Um, thank you Captain. I was just…”

“I know. You were going to get started on the documents Erwin left, right?

She nodded her head, a tad sheepish in her movements. Tucking a strand behind her ear she reached for the supplies Eren held. Not only was she talented in the field, but in the past few months she had proven herself in the office as well. Where Eren was lacking in political and professional knowledge, little Liza picked up the slack. She constantly insisted he leave the documents that found their way onto his desk to her. At first he was unsure if it was a good idea to leave important information in the hands of a new recruit. But Jean was always pleased with the monthly report he turned in, and all of the “URGENT: PLEASE SIGN” documents made it where they needed to be on time.

“Thank you, Liza. Would you mind if I take a nap before training?” He ruffled her hair.

“Ah!” She scrunched under the weight of his hand. “That would be fine, sir. Shall I get the barracks ready for the inspection?”

“No, don’t worry about that.” He turned to leave, smirking at the pout on her face from trying to fix her bangs. “You do enough around here.”

The walk back to his room was pleasantly Jean-free. He was a little on edge, fearing more surprise guests in his room, but thankfully he was able to sink into his mattress in peace. Having had a fight with Jean, learning Levi would be arriving the next day, and a surprise visit from the Commander-in-Chief all first thing in the morning was a sure sign this day would be long. Eren groaned into his pillow.

“Can this day just end?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> #Fic: Horseshoes and Hand Grenades


	3. The Old Captain

 

“Oi, brat.”

A deep voice and a rasp to his head made Eren turn in his sleep. His nap the previous day had been cut short by the training from hell and the rest of the day was occupied with helping his squad in their barracks. So he was not inclined to wake so easily after working until the wee hours of the morning. His bed frame shook from the force of someone’s kick.

“If you don’t wake up right this second I’ll drag you by that mop you call a haircut to clean the stables.” Eren knew that voice. His eyes flew open as he rolled to be face to face with a disgruntled, middle-aged man. Steel grey eyes squinted at him in the dim light cast from a candle faintly glowing on the side table. With a jump, Eren sat up throwing the sheets into a pile at the foot of his bed.

“Levi!” Eren’s voice cracked. Scrambling out of bed, Levi noticed he was still mostly in his uniform. He stepped onto the smooth, wooden floor with his bare feet not thinking about his disheveled appearance.

“ _Tch_. You smell.” Levi took a step back to appraise Eren, his nose scrunching at the site of dirt on his clothes. Wrinkled shirt and dirt-stained pants, not even properly fastened, and his hair had fallen completely out of it’s ponytail sometime during the night. He scratched his head, internally groaning that today had to be the day he woke up looking like a mess.

“Sorry, yesterday was busy and I wasn’t expecting you so early.” He swatted down his hair and buttoned his pants, as if it even mattered at this point. “Want some breakfast?”

“It’s nearly noon, Eren.” Levi deadpanned. “I had to come find you personally because your squad looked like chickens with their heads cut off when I arrived. Where the hell did you find those kids, anyway?” He pulled out the wooden chair by the side table, plopping down in it with a sigh. In the light of the candle, the accentuated bags under his eyes and the crinkles in the corners stood out. He still looked much younger than his actual age, but ten years had still given him some wear and tear.

“Shit, is it that late?” Eren moved about his room to gather fresh clothes for the day. “Also, I personally watched them clean last night so there’s no reason for them to freak.”  

“They seemed worried I would murder you in your sleep, mostly.” Levi smirked, clearly amused by the notion.

“Ha! There’s actually a rumor going around that we hate each other. I don’t get it.” Eren picked up a towel with his clean clothes, throwing it all into a small basket in the corner.

“Maybe if you had actually shown up at the inspection last year they wouldn’t have gotten shitty ideas in their heads.” He tapped the desk, annoyance lacing his tone. Eren picked up his basket, intending to bathe if only to please Levi. He raised an eyebrow to the older man.

“You know where I keep the tea. Feel free to it, I’ll be back in a minute.” Without another word from either, Eren left Levi sitting alone in his room. Although he said he was looking for Eren for the sake of his squad, which was a whole other issue he would need to address later, he knew Levi just liked being in his room. Now a days they only saw each other a handful of times per year, but before the shift in command they were inseparable. Where one went, the other followed.

Eren hurried through his shower, eager to be back with Levi. After all, anyone would agree there was nothing scarier than when the Commander of the Garrison was kept waiting. He slipped into the shirt and pants he brought along before trotting back down the hall. Hair still dripping, he stepped into his room to be met with a blinding light. Levi had opened the curtains Eren never touched. The sunlight poured in, illuminating the small space. He even had stowed away the candle to make room for some documents and a steaming cup of tea.

“Ow.” Eren pulled the towel on his head down to cover his eyes, not pleased by the sudden glare.

“I made you a cup. We’re gonna miss lunch at this rate, so it’s better than nothing.” Levi picked up a second cup Eren hadn’t noticed and offered it to him, his stomach growled in response.

“Wow. Impressive.” The last thing Levi looked, was impressed. Eren quickly downed the tea, wincing slightly at his burned tongue. Thankfully it took the edge off his hunger but he knew within an hour he would be starving.

“Thanks. Let me get fully dressed then we can go.” He passed the empty cup back but Levi reached for his wrist instead. Obviously, having just gotten back from the bath he hadn’t had time to put on new bandages. Normally, Eren was guarded about his scars but with Levi he never felt the need. In fact, he was probably the one person Eren didn’t mind not wearing his bandages around.

“Seems like you haven’t lost any limbs recently.” He dropped his wrist and took the cup. “You’d be pretty fucking useless if that happened.”

“Don’t let Erwin here you say that.”

“That bastard couldn’t be useless even if he lost his brain,” Levi huffed.

He turned back to his documents so Eren could change. After a quick head rub with the towel and a twist of his ponytail, he pulled it up and worked into his uniform and gear. It was a pain to do this every morning, but sleeping in the restricting straps wasn’t ideal while not on a mission. After several long minutes without words, Eren finally stepped into his boots and wrapped up his arms.

Another one of the reasons Levi liked his room was because the silences between them were comfortable. They could both go about their own business, not needing to fill empty space with idle chit chat. That, and the cleanliness met his standards.

“Ready.” Eren stood by the door as Levi shuffled his paperwork into a neat pile. Placing it in one of the drawers, he rose from the creaking chair. He let Levi keep all sorts of things here; Documents, tea cups, pens and random knick knacks had slowly started to accumulate in his top drawer over the past two years. Neither thought twice about it, just accepted that was the way things were. Although Eren had very little need to visit Levi’s office, he had even left a couple spare bandages and hair ties there.

“This place better be spotless,” was his only reply.

\---

The barracks were deathly quiet. At this hour there would normally be recruits coming in and out of the rooms just getting back from lunch, but no one was out in the hall. Complete silence. Eren sighed, afraid something like this would happen. They’d all taken to waiting in their rooms, on edge because everyone believes stupid rumors.

“This place has turned into a girl’s bathroom.” Levi spoke finally, checking off the first room on his list.

“What does that even mean?” Eren glanced at him sideways as they approached the barracks for Connie’s squad.

“Where else do you see this much drama?” He opened the door to be met by five salutes and shouts of ‘Commander Levi, sir!’. Of course Connie wasn’t here. He is never where he’s supposed to be.

“I don’t even want to know.” He was more referring to how Levi knew what happened in a girl’s bathroom, but after cleaning theirs so often he had a pretty good guess. Eren couldn’t help but notice the worried glances of the recruits who still stood at attention as Levi made his way around the room. They kept looking at him in particular.

“Where the hell is Connie?” Eren snapped at the young boy closest to him. He yelped, nearly dropping his stance.

“Probably taking a shit. He eats like Braus,” Levi interjected without looking up from his checklist.

The standard expression that passed over their faces was one of pure confusion. Only two of Connie’s squad were present for the inspection last year so Commander Levi was a foreign species to the rest. Plus, last year he was more concerned with making sure Eren took over his job correctly. He wasn’t as relaxed as he is now, able to show off his true personality. The angry, loud man they thought they knew wasn’t living up to the horror stories suddenly. Several more minutes passed this way as Levi checked mattresses and corners for dust before he moved on to asking their names and ages for his records.

“Alright, you pass. Surprisingly.” It was like a fog was lifted. They all relaxed, although they were looking a smidge pale. Levi turned towards Eren and nodded to signal their departure when stomping feet were heard from down the hall.

“Sorry I’m late, Commander Levi!” Connie came flying into the room, huffing from his run. He braced his hands on his knees sending an apologetic smile to his team.

“Springer. I hope it was worth it.” Levi narrowed his eyes at the crumbs on his face. “I expect the stables to be pristine.”

Connie grunted, figuring this was going to be the case. Levi stepped past him on his way out, not sparing him another glance. Eren patted him on the shoulder, genuinely sorry he had incurred his wrath.

“Eren, we’re going to your squad next.” Levi called from down the hall.

“Coming,” he yelled back, then turning to Connie one last time, “good luck man.”

“Yeah, thanks,” he rolled his eyes. He stepped into his squad’s room to be met with pained whines. “Alright, so what did the old man say?”

Eren didn’t catch the rest since Connie slammed the door behind himself, but he was relieved Levi didn’t overhear that “old man” comment. Nothing like a beating to start off the morning.

“Any day now, Jaeger.” Eren’s insides clenched out of habit, he never used his last name. When he caught up, Levi had already entered his squad’s room where they all stood at attention. He was walking to each bunk, occasionally making a loud exclamation to which his squad would twitch. He even walked around Liza, the smallest person in the room, twice. He was doing it on purpose.

“Levi, they’re going to keel over if you keep that up.” Eren leaned against the frame, faintly amused by his antics.

He stopped mid-circle around Atticus, the oldest of the squad, and looked him in the eye. Everything about the 20 year old brunette was intimidating. His intense eyes, broad shoulders and chiseled jaw rivaled that of Eren’s in both ferocity and attractiveness as far as most people were concerned. Not to mention, he was as tall as Erwin. Atticus did not return the eye contact with Levi, instead he settled his gaze directly on Eren. Levi barked out a stiff laugh.

“What are you feeding these kids?” Levi looked at him from head to toe, baffled that not only Erwin was able to reach this size. Atticus had become a part of the Survey Corps ten months prior, his only wish had been to be placed on Eren’s team. Ever since, the stoic young man had displayed a fierce sense of loyalty and respect for the newly appointed Captain. Eren supposed Atticus reminded him of himself, so he quickly took him under his wing.

“Same old mystery gruel and bread.” He nodded to Atticus, silently telling him to relax.

“What’s your name, kid?” Levi tapped his clipboard, leaning back to get a better look at his face.

“Atticus.” He replied in a heavy, baritone voice. He still didn’t make eye contact.

“Age?”

“Twenty.”

Levi narrowed his eyes up at him, obviously sensing something. He glanced at Eren, who just shook his head. Atticus put on a tough act for everyone besides Eren, so getting him to talk nicely was a challenge. Levi gave up, not wanting to put in any more effort than he already had. He moved around the room and got the names for the remaining three guys and Liza.

“Well, for once i’m not surprised to say you passed since you are Eren’s brats.” Taking a few steps back to stand by Eren in the door, Levi signaled for their departure once more.

“Captain, wait.” Liza motioned to Eren. “May I speak with you in the hall?”

Eren and Levi stepped out with Liza in tow, once they were out of earshot she cleared her throat to speak.

“I finished those documents and left them in your desk.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “But, I never got to give you this message since yesterday was so busy. Plus, you were missing this morning and Atticus was beside himself thinking the Commander had something to do with it. Oh! And then there was that fiasco at lunch, someone asked Squad Leader Ackerman again if--”

“Woah there, Liza.” Eren reached out and ruffled her hair. “How about you take a breath.”

She blushed, looking from an amused Eren to an ever stoic Levi. “Right, sorry sir. Um, it’s about the next expedition.”

“There was a document about that on my desk?” Eren folded his arms across his chest, giving a questioning look to Levi.

“That only happened when the military was in need of my skills. You have a certain set of special skills as well.” He kept his gaze on Liza who nodded, confirming Levi’s statement.

Eren instinctively clenched his bandaged hands. A long time ago he would’ve been all for shifting on an expedition. As a titan he had the strength and power to fight and protect at the same time; he could let go of all the anger and push his will to it’s limits. A small part of him still wanted to give in to the monster inside, let it take over and kill. Even now, his heart was beginning to race in anticipation. But then Jean’s face was in his mind, brow furrowed and tense. Eren’s frantic heartbeat slowed as he remembered their trip home just a few days back. His worried voice cut through the swelling tide of emotion, ‘Did you have to shift?’.

“Captain?”

Eren snapped back to reality, shaking Jean from his mind.

“Right, sorry I’ll just read the document myself. You’re dismissed.” Eren tried to smile, quite unconvincingly, as Liza went back to her squad’s room. She cast a worried glance over her shoulder before closing the door leaving the two men alone in the hall.

“I can handle the inspections since we passed yours.” Levi leaned against the wall next to Eren, who followed suit.

“It’s alright, I’d rather--”

“I won’t leave without saying goodbye.”

This time, Eren actually smiled. If he didn’t know better he could’ve sworn he saw Levi do the same. They stood there, side by side, enjoying the quiet company for a minute longer. He knew Levi was allowing him to have this time to talk with Jean. If a mission required shifting, he had to make arrangements in case things didn’t go as planned. Eren was the first to break the silence. With a sigh, he pushed off from the wall to head back the way they came.

“You better not forget!” He waved over his shoulder.

“I promise.”

 


	4. Shifting at a Cost

 

Eren gripped the flimsy stack of papers tighter as he read the same lines over and over again. The bold black letters, ordering for his aid in clearing out a particularly dense area of titans, gleamed in the sunlight. The Survey Corps new mission was to expand territory for what was left of humanity, and if that meant Eren was needed to make things easier then he was eager to work.

But this is not what concerned him, no, his attention had been drawn to a small section of print at the bottom. Almost like an afterthought it was titled “Please Note”, and it read:

_The 14th Commander of the Survey Corps, Jean Kirschtein, has submitted a formal objection to the above order. Per protocol, the above order has officially been renamed as a personal request from Commander-in-Chief Erwin Smith for the aid of Captain Eren Jaeger in exterminating the designated titans. Please be advised this request could be beneficial for the expansion of territory and humanity as a whole._

It was finished off with the tight, scrawling signature of Erwin Smith himself. Eren clenched his jaw, rereading the text one last time. Tucking the documents under his arm, he stormed out of his office not bothering to lock the door behind himself.

\---

A series of loud bangs forced Jean awake. He jumped off the couch where he had been dozing, heart pounding from the sudden scare. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, so now the reports he had been working on were scattered around his feet. The bangs continued as he hurriedly picked them up and placed them on the couch.

“Alright, alright! I’m coming, dammit!” He barked at the offensive person beyond the door. Although his office was always unlocked, he had made an exception today fearing he might not have been able to keep his eyes open.

Throwing open the door with a  grumble, he wasn’t at all surprised to see Eren marching into his office. He strode to the middle of the room, stopping just shy of the desk before turning to face him with a scowl. Jean sighed and closed them off inside sensing he was about to get an earful of whatever had pissed his Captain off.

“No, please. Come on in.” Jean rolled his eyes and then gave Eren a pointed glare. He put a hand on his hip, trying to maintain his calm. “Why the hell were you banging on my door?”

“Why the hell was it locked?”

“To keep you out,” Jean smirked.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny.” Eren crossed his arms, mouth in full pout.

“What are those?” Jean pointed to the documents tucked under his arm, forgiving Eren’s rude entrance.

“Proof you’re trying to control my life,” He growled nearly tossing the papers into Jean’s outstretched hand. He scrunched his brow, confused as to what Eren meant. Pulling his glasses from his pocket, he squinted at the neat print of Erwin Smith. Slowly, his features melted from confusion to disbelief as he read over the same lines Eren had.

“Did he just politely ask you to defy your commanding officer?” Jean passed the documents back but Eren swatted his hand away, scattering the papers across the floor.

“Woah, wha--”

“He wouldn’t have to if you weren’t objecting!” Eren shouted

“ _What?!_ Of course I objected, shifting isn’t the only option!” Jean backed away, knowing how violent Eren could get over this topic.

“That’s not your call! I’m the shifter, the one who has to take this responsibility when no one else can,” He stepped forward, enclosing on Jean’s space. “This is how I’m useful and you’re trying to take that away from me!”

Jean gaped, completely on the defensive now. He knew he would never try to hinder Eren, but in this situation he felt it was safer to find a different way. Besides, he’d be lying if he said that last statement didn’t sting a little.

“Don’t you remember,” Jean brought his voice level down to something more appropriate for an office. “Hanji said you could lose your regenerative abilities any day now.” Eren lowered his gaze, unable to maintain his fight any longer.

“What if you lose control?” Jean continued. “I’ll have to cut you out and then you’ll lose all of your limbs, dammit!” His fist connected with the door, bringing a strained silence in the room. For a moment, only their breathing could be heard. Jean’s, a heavy pant while Eren’s was even and deep. He slowly lowered his arm, irritated to be showing Eren just how upset all of this made him.

“They’ll grow back,” Eren huffed. He crossed his arms over his chest, choosing to stare at the wall rather than the person opposite him.

“We don’t know that,” Jean sighed. He ran his hands through his hair as he moved to take a seat on the paper strewn couch. Resting his elbows on his knees, he looked back to see if Eren would follow. He eyed the paper next to Jean, who took the hint and cleared it from the seat next to himself. After that, it didn’t take long for Eren to end up closer to his Commander than they had been in weeks. With Knees touching, shoulders brushing they both were finally calm enough to speak properly.

“I know I’ve never told you this but, I just don’t want to be the reason you are permanently incapacitated or…” Jean trailed off, placing his head in his hands. They both knew if Eren lost complete control the best way to stop him was to treat him like any other titan. Long ago Levi held the responsibility of Eren’s life, now that weighed heavily on Jean’s shoulders.

“Killed?” Eren finished his sentence.

“Why do you feel the need to do that,” Jean grumbled into his palms.

“Sorry,” Eren leaned closer to Jean, their legs lining up. “Okay, tell me the other option.” Eren turned his head away, not really wanting to admit he just gave in to him. He never really thought about how much stress him shifting put on Jean, so seeing firsthand how upset he was made Eren fold.

Jean peered up at him from his hands, mouth twitching into a small smile. He sat up and removed his glasses, tucking them away in his front pocket like always.

“Really?” Jean asked.

“ _Tch_ ,” Eren replied. “If you’re gonna gripe about it, just tell me.”

“Okay so, Erwin wants us to look into a small, deserted village. He laid out a path that cuts through a clearing in the trees. He wants to use it because it saves us a day of being on the road. The only thing is, the area is stupidly populated with titans. The report from the scouts is that the forest around it has significantly fewer titans and the ones that are there will be easy enough to get rid of with our gear. Yeah, it adds a day on to the trip but I feel the risk is too great in that clearing.” Eren turned his head to look at Jean when he stopped speaking.

It almost made him smile how excited Jean sounded. He wasn’t a tactician like Armin, but Jean had a specialty all on his own; keeping people alive. The one thing the Commander seemed most proud of was his ability to find the best possible outcome for everyone. Eren slowly nodded his head, understanding now why he had objected to the order.

“So, this was about everyone’s safety.” Eren motioned to the papers still in a mess on the floor.

“More or less,” Jean replied. Leaning back against the couch, he tapped the toe of his boot against Eren’s absentmindedly.  “Besides, I don’t think I’m ready to find a new Captain.”

Jean locked eyes with Eren, grateful he had been able to maintain a solid conversation. It was a rare occurrence, but not unheard of, and all he could think about now was how nice it was to sit next to him like this. No prying eyes or titans to fend off, just the two of them enjoying each other's company. Through all of their fights and irritated glares they actually did fit well together, both in the field and in ideals.

“Jean, it would take a lot more than a herd of titans to keep me from being your--”

“Commander!” Eren and Jean jumped, separating on reflex as the door flew open to reveal Liza rushing in. She was panting, her rosy cheeks illuminated by the light in the hall. Eren grabbed the papers next to himself while Jean awkwardly fumbled with his lenses. She stopped, looking between her two superior officers.

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?” She started to back out the way she came. Jean quickly stood, adjusting his jacket. He managed to get his glasses back on, although they sat a little haphazardly.

“No, we were just discussing the next mission.” He picked up the papers off of the floor before shuffling them back onto on his desk. “What did you need?”

Liza tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, not moving any closer. She glanced to Eren on the couch who was staring intently at the documents in his hand.

“Oh, um, well it’s nothing urgent. I can come back later…”

“It’s alright, just say what you came to say.” Jean leaned against his desk, adjusting his crooked glasses.

“Well, the Commander-in-Chief will be staying an extra day and he wants to speak with you tomorrow before he leaves.” Liza shuffled her feet, slowly inching towards the open doorway.

“He’s still here?” Jean frowned. “Where the hell has he been hiding?”

“I’m not sure,” Liza responded to the obviously rhetorical question. “But I never see him without Squad Leader Arlert at his side, if that helps.”

Jean frowned further, looking to Eren who was pretending to not be there. He kept messing with the same papers over and over again. Liza stepped closer to the door, uncomfortable with standing in the tense atmosphere any longer. She glanced at Eren one last time before slipping out and down the hall .

“Wai--”Jean started to call after her but she was already gone. “Ah, nevermind. Thanks, anyway.”

In all honesty, Jean was glad Erwin was still around. He now had a bit of a bone to pick with him, and going through with his new plan without forewarning was not a good idea. A rustle to his right caught Jean’s attention; he turned just in time to see Eren throwing himself onto the couch.

“Great. She’s gonna get the wrong idea and I’m gonna have to hear about it later,” Eren groaned into the cushion. Jean frowned at the childish statement.

“Who cares? We’re supposed to be close anyway.” Jean kicked at Eren’s shin, silently telling him it was time to leave.

“Not that close. And I’m going, don’t worry.” He sat up to see that Jean had a very dangerous look on his face. “Woah! I said I was going, geez.”

“You just…” Jean turned away from him, leaving Eren stunned on the couch. “Sometimes you say things that piss me off.”

“What? We were good not even a minute ago, what did I do?” Eren stood up to walk after him, but was stopped by a dirty glare over his shoulder. It only lasted a second before his face fell impassive again, but it was enough to make Eren’s blood run cold.

“Just go, you’ve got training in a couple hours.”

“Fine, I’m going.” He shook his head and shut the door behind himself, leaving Jean alone. Eren stood outside the room for a minute, trying to wrap his mind around what he could’ve said to earn that glare. Eventually a muffled shout of “Dammit!” and what sounded like a desk being cleared of it’s contents made him jump.

“Wow,” He muttered to himself. “He really needs to take that stick out of his ass.”

\---

“I just don’t get it, Armin!” Jean paced back and forth in the small space of Armin’s room. After Eren left he tried to clean up his office but a nagging sense of irritation drove him to seek out an advisor. Armin nodded his head, watching Jean’s pacing from the edge of his bed where he sat.

“One minute we’re having a pleasant conversation,” He paused, motioning to thin air. “Then the next he says something so frustrating and I don’t even know why it’s frustrating!” He gripped his hair, continuing his circle around the sunlit room.

“Jean,” Armin finally spoke up. “That makes no sense.”

“I don’t get it either!” He stopped walking, hands falling to his sides. “I mean, when he opens his mouth I just want to punch him. Like, an involuntary reflex or something.” Armin snorted, earning a dirty look from Jean.

“I’m sorry!” He laughed, clutching his sides. “It’s just, that makes even less sense!”

“You are really not helping,” Jean deadpanned. His shoulders drooped as he looked on at the laughing blonde.

“Listen,” Armin wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “You two suck at communication. Before you get pissed at me, just think about the last time you had a serious conversation without it ending or beginning in a fight.”

Jean pouted, scratching his head to remember all of his interactions with Eren. Everything from when they were kids didn’t count in his opinion. Not just because the memories were hazy, but also because they were stupid teenagers. If there ever was a time he had a honest-to-god actual conversation with Eren, it must have been in his dreams.

“I got nothin’,” Jean sighed.

“I Figured.” Armin stood, putting a hand on his hip. “You should probably try talking about something other than titans and expeditions. I can tell you really want to connect with him, but Eren is…”

“Stupid?” Jean picked up where he trailed off.

“No,” Armin snipped. “Don’t say that about Eren. He’s just very straightforward and headstrong.”

“Ha! I think you meant thickheaded and crazy.” Jean laughed at his own joke but was soon cut off by a small blonde in his face.

“I said, don’t talk like that about Eren!” He growled, forcing Jean to take a step back. He may have been shorter, but and angry Armin was not something Jean wanted to deal with.

“Alright, I’m sorry!” He put his hands on Armin’s shoulders, gently pushing him away. Armin narrowed his eyes before backing off, he wouldn’t tolerate anyone speaking ill of Eren.

“Jeez, I just mean that it’s hard to talk to him. He never seems to understand anything I say and in order for us  to agree we have to fight first. I’m just a little frustrated, is all.” Jean pulled out Armin’s desk chair, plopping down onto the rough wood.

“How do you feel about him?” Armin asked, not bothering to mask the blunt question.

“I beg your pardon.” Jean sat up straight, blinking at Armin. “I’m hoping I did not hear that question correctly, it almost sounded like you were asking if I have feelings for Eren.”

“Yeah, well do you?” Armin cocked an eyebrow, arms folded over his chest. “You desire better communication with him, he frustrates you and you don’t know why, you’re asking his best friend for advice on how to fix these things and your face is red.”

“W-what?” Jean looked at the window behind himself to try and see his reflection.

“Oops, I lied,” Armin shrugged. “But now I know my answer.”

“I don’t--!!” Jean jumped from the chair and knocked it over, an actual flush on his cheeks this time. “I don’t have feelings for that idiot! He always says something to piss me off, I can’t ever have a decent conversation with him, no matter how hard I try he just doesn’t listen and when we’re alone it never lasts long before something happens and everything is ruined!” Jean panted, fists clenched at his sides. Through his heated speech Armin had tried to hide his smirk, but ended up failing miserably.

“Right, no hidden feelings there.” Armin rolled his eyes. “Very convincing, Jean.”

“You think...you think that’s why I’ve been so irritated lately?” Jean’s face fell, realization finally dawning.

“I think ever since you two became Captain and Commander you both have developed feelings for each other.” Armin nodded, pleased with how this conversation was going. He’d been biding his time, waiting for Jean to finally come to him. Luckily he had been in the right place at the right time to mediaite for his friends.

“You’re insane.” Jean crossed the room, bypassing Armin to reach the door.

“Huh? Wait, where are you going?” Armin turned to follow after him, afraid he had just lost his opportunity.

“I’ve heard enough,” Jean opened the door and stepped into the hall. “There’s no way Eren has feelings for anything besides killing titans and I definitely don’t like an idiot with a death wish.”

“Jean!” Armin called as the door was slammed shut. Technically, he could chase after him but instead he heaved a sigh and shook his head. It was probably for the best to let him sit on it and think for a while. Scratching the back of his head, he looked to the fallen chair.

“Eren isn’t the only thickheaded one around here.”

 


	5. It's a Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dumps more platonic Ereri and thickheaded Eren on you*

“Tuck your elbows in!”

The young cadet tensed at the sound of Eren’s voice, sweaty hands gripping the wooden knife tighter. With a glance over his shoulder, the boy eyed his Captain warily. Eren was aware there were some newer cadets, and even older ones, who had opinions on his existence. The redhead he approached now was no exception.

_‘Is it safe to trust a shifter?’_ , _‘They have that blonde girl locked up, why not him?’_ , and _‘The Commander is being fooled!’_ were some of Eren’s personal favorites that he’d caught wind of. The redhead unwillingly tucked in his elbows as Eren rounded in front of him. He was a head taller, so the boy had to squint up into the sun to meet his eyes properly.

“That’s better,” Eren gave him a thumbs up. “If your arms are too wide, you’ll injure your wrists. Plus it’ll have little, to no, impact on your target.” He shrugged, ignoring the scowl on the cadet’s face.

“Attack me, kid.” He added nonchalantly.

Of all the things for the Captain to say, that was the last thing the cadet expected. He blinked twice, lip twitching in irritation, before bending his knees in preparation to strike. The boy hesitated, taking in Eren’s size compared to his own.

Out of the corner of his eye, Eren saw Jean watching him. It wasn’t too often he graced the training field with his presence, so he must’ve had an important reason to be there. Unless staring at his back was a normal thing, Eren thought he knew why. He smiled, widening his stance for the attack, but before either could move a scuffle a few yards away broke the tension.

Eren whipped around, staring down the two boys grappling in the dirt. “Hey! We don’t need any black eyes before an expedition!”

He took off towards the two cadets who were in the midst of a fist fight. He picked up the boy on top by his arms, immediately recognizing him as Josef from Mikasa’s squad. The boy on the ground whom Eren realized was Bo, a member of the same squad, wiped blood from his mouth. He growled and tried to lunge at his restrained comrade, but a set of powerful arms caught his shoulders.

“Alright that’s enough!” Jean swept his feet out from under him, forcing Bo to the ground, knee pressed into his spine. “Both of you, run around the compound until the sun sets!”

Josef sighed in Eren’s grasp, pulling free with a forceful tug. Bo was released shortly after receiving a warning glance from Jean, but then the two were off, shouting profanities at the other all the while. Eren smirked, pleased he didn’t have to dish out the punishment this time since he was normally in charge of core training.

“Well, that looked familiar,” Eren turned to Jean who was grumbling under his breath. He didn’t respond, only acknowledging the statement with a shrug. Jean turned on his heel without even looking at Eren, heading back to his position on the outskirts of the field.

“Hey, Jeanbo,” Eren growled. “I was talking to you.”

“You pickin’ a fight?” Jean paused, calling back over his shoulder.

Eren stepped forward, “Something like that.”

He pulled Jean’s elbow, forcing him to turn and face him. The cadets around them seemed to not even notice the disturbance that had been taking place. Most were consumed in their hand to hand combat, trying to strengthen their core like good soldiers.  Even the other squad leaders, Eren’s long time friends, didn’t spare them a glance. Which was good since Eren didn’t particularly like fighting with Jean in front of an audience.

“I don’t have time for this, Eren.” Jean’s voice was strained, and he kept glancing towards the edge of the field. Eren relaxed, not actually wanting to fight, but whenever Jean was involved it was almost an involuntary reflex to do so.

“I just want to talk.” Eren tried to level his voice. He clenched and unclenched his fists, taking in a deep breath before adding, “without fighting for once.”

Jean blinked, his face void of emotion. “Holy shit you’re serious.”

“Of course--!” Eren started to yell, but then quickly bit his tongue. He nodded his head in reply, dropping his gaze. The next thing he knew, Jean had him by the wrist, tugging him along behind.

“Let’s go somewhere quieter,” Jean said. Eren didn’t protest the burning touch as he was pulled like a dog on a leash. They stopped several yards outside the training field, rounding a large shade tree. The knowledge that they were now out of sight and earshot of everyone put Eren more at ease. For some reason, it annoyed him when people interefered when he was with Jean. Then again, he naturally was annoyed by a lot of things.

“Okay, what’s up?” Jean seemed eager, tone much more light hearted than before. Eren had thought getting him alone was going to take an entire army after being kicked out of his office a few hours prior.

“Are we okay?” Eren started. “I mean, you seemed pretty pissed before and I heard you in your office… shouting and throwing things.” Eren shifted uncomfortably, noticing a blush on Jean’s cheeks. “I mean, was it something I said?”

“Oh, umm… no.” Jean toed the dirt with his boot, looking anywhere besides Eren. His conversation with Armin floated across his mind, making his heart skip. “I mean, yeah we’re okay. But no, it’s nothing you did. Sorta. Maybe.” Jean fumbled over his words, not sure how to handle a conversation like this with his long time rival.

“Sorta?” Eren questioned. “So, it sorta does have something to do with me.”

“I don’t know,” Jean sighed. His lip twitched. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

Eren’s eyes narrowed. “Jean, I don’t understand anything you say. One minute we’re okay and then the next I’m being thrown out of your office. Normally I’d ignore it and move on but we are the leaders of the Survey Corps now so our mutual cooperation is the most important thing for us to have.”

“Is that it?” Jean snapped.

“What?” Eren retorted, irritation seeping in.

“Is that the only important thing for us to have?” Jean cocked his head, voice steadily rising in volume.

“What are you even referring to?!” Eren bellowed, completely bewildered. “This is exactly what I mean, I don’t understand what you’re saying!”

“So we’re Captain and Commander, and that’s it!” Jean threw his hands up in exasperation. “All we talk about is paperwork and and expeditions. I don’t even remember the last time we had time to just hang out! But then I can’t stand being around you for more than 5 minutes because what’s going on right now happens every time!”

Eren took a step back, surprised by what Jean was saying. “What else are we supposed to be? Friends?”

Jean froze, struggling to respond to the question. “I don’t...I’m not sure. Are we?”

“Jean, I’ve considered you my friend for a long time.” Eren crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you not feel the same?”

“Yeah. I mean, you’re probably my best friend...” Jean pulled his glasses from his pocket and began fiddling with them. The silence that fell between them was palpable. Shouts and scuffling boots could be heard in the distance, but it was all background noise to them. The realization of this moment, that they both thought so highly of the other, was enough to drown out everything else. A cool breeze pulled at Eren’s hair as he finally made eye contact with Jean. His brown eyes seemed shy and unsure while Eren’s green ones were surprised.

“I didn’t know that.” Eren moved closer, a mere two feet of distance between them now. “Even though we fight all the time, and I get angry at everything?”

“Well, at least you admit it,” Jean laughed.

“Goddammit, Jean.” Eren tried to act pissed, but his smile gave him away. Just like that, the tension broke and they were both clutching their sides in laughter.

“It’s true, though!” Jean managed between fits. “You yell so loud I can hear you across headquarters!”

Eren wiped the wetness from his eyes, struggling to breathe through his laughter. “This is your fault, you always ruin moments!”

Jean leaned on Eren’s shoulder for support as they both struggled to breathe evenly. Finally, after a couple of minutes they were able relax. He righted himself, ruffling Eren’s hair in the process. Who, in turn, swatted his hand away in protest.

“I meant it though,” Jean finally said. “You’re the closest thing I have to a best friend. We spend so much time together that you know more about me than anyone does.”

Eren smiled, “Thanks. I’m glad we feel the sa--.”

“Aw, shit.” Jean looked past Eren’s shoulder towards the training field. Turning to follow his gaze, he saw Levi heading towards them. “I better go, I get the feeling he doesn’t like me.”

“Huh? Levi’s harmless,” Eren scoffed.

“We must know two very different Levi’s.” Jean turned to leave but then tentatively placed a hand on Eren’s shoulder. “For the record, I’m sorry about kicking you out.”

He took off before Eren could respond just as Levi stepped under the tree. He stopped at Eren’s side, eyeing Jean’s retreating form.

“What’s got his panties in a twist?”

“You.”

“The hell did I do?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Eren laughed, silently agreeing with Levi. Jean could be unreasonable, and although at one time the short, older man was quite intimidating, Jean was of equal rank now. Things were different, the branches of the military coexisted peacefully and their biggest concern was the expansion of territory for their ever growing population. No room to worry about grumpy, old Commanders.

“I waited,” Levi said, pulling Eren from his thoughts. “Like I promised. But then I had to come looking for you when you never came back to your room.”

“Oh shit,” Eren sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry, Jean and I fought and then I was late to training--”

“Whatever,” Levi deadpanned. “I just came to say goodbye.”

“Already?” Eren hadn’t meant to sound so disappointed. He had hoped he could talk to Levi about his fight with Jean, he always seemed to know exactly what to say. Granted, it was usually ‘Get over it.’, but it usually did the trick.

“Don’t cry, that’s gross.” Levi scrunched his nose at Eren.

“I’m not crying!” He shouted back, a pout forming on his face.

“Right,” Levi’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “And I’m a titan. Oh wait, that’s you.”

“Leviiii~” Eren groaned. “That’s not funny.”

Levi smirked, running a hand through his hair. “It kinda was.”

Eren sighed, giving up on arguing with his antics. His sense of humor was as dry as ever, impressing no one. Except for himself, that is. Cadets began to walk past them as training ended, most likely heading to the bath before dinner. Some glanced and whispered as they past the two under the tree, most were too exhausted to care. Armin raised a brow as if to ask if everything was okay, which Eren answered with a dismissive wave.

“I kept my promise, so now it’s your turn,” Levi said after the crowd had passed. “After your next expedition, come see me.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Just promise me.” The normal, biting edge to his tone was replaced with a more pleading one. It was slight, but enough to catch Eren’s attention.

“Yeah, okay...I promise, Levi.” Eren nodded.

“Good, of course you’ll have to see Hanji first but I’ll wait.” He straightened his jacket before turning his back to Eren. “I’ll see you soon, then. It’s a promise.”

Eren’s face fell as he realized what Levi was saying. In his own, roundabout way he was telling Eren to come back alive. He was even going so far as to make him visit to have proof he was alive. When had they become so close? At what point had his cold exterior melted enough to let Eren in? He wasn’t sure.

“Yes, it is.”

 


	6. Even Commanders Need Comfort

 

“Did you really ask him if you were friends?”

Jean coughed, trying to dislodge the dry bread he had accidently inhaled. Armin patted him on the back apologetically, warily glancing around to see if Eren was nearby. The dining hall was nearly empty at the early hour, the majority of the cadets still asleep.

“Shit, Armin!” Jean breathed deeply, massaging his sore throat. “Don’t sneak up on people like that.”

“Sorry,” Armin took the empty seat next to him. “Eren told me you were acting weird yesterday, he’s worried about you.”

Jean looked at his empty bowl, discarding the half-eaten bread into it. There was too much going through his mind to care that Eren also spoke to Armin like he did. Erwin had scheduled their meeting at the crack of dawn, saying something about needing an early start. So here Jean sat, racking his brain how he was going to tell Erwin he was changing the plans for the expedition. At least, that’s what he was doing before Armin made his heart stop momentarily.

“Jean?” Armin leaned forward slightly, waving his hand in front of Jean’s pained face. “Earth to Jean, you in there?”

“Ah…” Jean pulled his head up, pushing his bowl away. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Okay…now _I’m_ worried about you,” Armin sighed. “Is this about your meeting with Erwin?”

Jean blinked. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“You always get so tense when it comes to expeditions, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed.” Armin sent him a pointed look. Jean groaned, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.  

“Let me guess, Eren again.” Jean stood, leaving his bowl and Armin behind. “I don’t want you filling my head with ideas, things are good between us right now.”

“You’re fooling yourself, Jean.” Armin got up to follow him. “Don’t run away from your feelings because you’re scared of a fight.”

“I’m not afraid of fighting with that idiot.” Jean stopped at the doorway, looking back at  Armin. “But he was right in saying our cooperation as Captain and Commander is important. We have an expedition tomorrow and we need to focus on that.”

Armin sighed, shaking his head as Jean left him alone in the dining hall. His conversation with Eren the night before crossed his mind. Levi had just left when Eren cornered him in his room. He seemed calm for once, a little excited, but still calm. Armin had listened intently while Eren had gone on and on about how Jean finally acknowledged their friendship. The way his voice nearly broke into laughter when he got to the part about Jean running away from Levi made Armin smile knowingly.

“Eren,” he had said. “You really consider Jean to be your best friend?”

The look that had crossed his face almost had Armin bursting into his own fit of laughter. His wide, green eyes had looked fearful but then quickly squinted into annoyance.

“Are you making fun of me?” Eren had snapped back.

After that, it had become impossible for Armin to get anymore out of him. Besides, he felt he knew Eren well enough to let it slide; he used anger and retorts like a defense mechanism. Armin had hit the nail on the head, not needing Eren to actually admit to anything to know for sure. But, it did frustrate him to no end how he could see so clearly Jean’s unspoken words, yet Eren was so oblivious.

He hummed quietly to himself, cleaning up Jean’s mess as the rising sun peeked over the horizon. Slowly, cadets began to filter into the dining hall, yawning and stretching all the way to the serving line. Having not had breakfast, he joined them when he caught sight of Mikasa crossing the threshold.

“Good morning!” He smiled, falling in step with her.

“Hey, Armin.” She nodded in acknowledgement. “Where’s Eren?”

“His room was pretty quiet when I left,” Armin said. “He’s probably still sleeping.”

“If he doesn’t hurry, he won’t get breakfast,” Mikasa said cooly. “I should go wake him.”

She turned abruptly, determined to drag him kicking and screaming if need be. She knew he hadn’t eaten well the day before since he had gotten up so late. But, not two steps later she was colliding face first with a solid shoulder.

“Sorry, I wa--” Mikasa looked up to see who she had crashed into. “Eren.”

“What was that about not getting breakfast?” Eren raised a brow to her, pleased to be making her eat her own words.

“It’s a miracle,” she deadpanned. “This is the second time this week. I’m proud.”

“Ya know,” Eren grumbled as the three friends headed back to the serving line. “I’m not as incapable as people seem to think.”

“Where’s your uniform jacket?” Mikasa’s lip twitched upwards slightly.

“Huh? I’m wear--” Eren look down to his chest to see only his dark green, short sleeve shirt. “Dammit!”

“You were saying?” Mikasa handed him a freshly filled bowl, eyes bright with amusement.

“ _Tch!_ ” Eren snatched it from her, stomping off to an empty table.

Armin quickly followed after him, frowning at Mikasa. “Eren, it’s fine! You can get it later!”

\---

The rest of the day was significantly better for Eren, his morning paperwork was light, lunch had actual meat in it, and afternoon training was met with a cool drizzle. The significant lack of Jean confused him, though. A part of him was glad he had been making himself scarce, but another part panged with emptiness. He just couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong.

“Eren if you throw a paper ball at me one more time…” Armin glanced up from the paperwork on his side table. Dinner was still a ways off because training had been cut short by a sudden downpour, so Eren had ended up on Armin’s bed out of boredom. An hour later, scraps of wadded up paper littered the room, making Armin twitch.

“Alright, alright.” Eren sat up, adjusting his ponytail. “I’ll just leave.”

“Why don’t you go bother Jean?” Armin suggested. “I’m sure he’d love that.”

“Is that sarcasm?” Eren stood, squinting at the back of Armin’s head. “But I can’t, I haven’t seen him all day. I don’t even know where he is.”

“He had a meeting with Erwin this morning.” Armin didn’t look up from his writing.

“Crap, I forgot all about that.” Eren froze, feeling guilty.

“Mhm.” Armin nodded his head.

“Erwin freaks him out,” Eren took a step towards the door. “Shit, he’s probably stressed beyond belief right now.”

“Hmm,” Armin replied.

“Forget whatever Erwin had to say, Jean wanted to talk to him about the expedition.” Eren was practically talking to himself since Armin continued to work.

“I swear if that asshole is hiding somewhere…” Eren crossed the room to the door, pulling it open. Before he left, he glanced back at Armin who was still scribbling away. “Thanks, Armin. I owe you one.”

“Okay.” Armin mindlessly waved back, smiling at the unfinished documents.

\----

A couple minutes later Eren was walking into Jean’s office, but there was no Jean. It was littered with papers and his desk looked like he ate on it quite frequently. Worry twisted his gut, his office was normally kept clean and tidy.

“Are you looking for the Commander?”

Eren stepped back into the hall, locating the owner of the voice. Of course, it was Liza. That girl was everywhere, and seemed to know everything. He smiled at the blonde, shutting the door to the empty office.

“Yeah, do you know where he is?” Eren tried his best to not let his voice give away how he was feeling.

“His room,” she replied. “He seemed upset, in fact, both of you have seemed off recently.” She gasped, slapping her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry, that’s not my place!”

“It’s alright,” Eren smiled at her. “Thank you.”

He stepped past her, patting her head as he did. Of all the people to worry about him, he accepted Liza the most. Maybe it was her gentle nature, or her sweet aura, but he could never get upset with her. She seemed so fragile, yet she had graduated first in her class. She was a living contradiction to herself and Eren was utterly fascinated.

All the way to Jean’s room, Eren grew more and more worried. With each step his mind came up with a new reason why Jean had avoided showing his face all day. His biggest fear was that Erwin had laid into him for disputing his order; he knew Jean didn’t get along well with their old Commander. He rounded the last corner, his door coming into view. Stopping in front of it, he considered knocking, but then tried the handle first. It opened easily.

“Jean?” Eren stuck his head in to be met by darkness.

“Yeah, I’m here.” His voice rose from somewhere to Eren’s right. “Shut the door.”

Eren slid into the room, slowly closing the creaking door with a soft click. He stood for a minute, allowing his eyes to adjust to the heavy darkness.

“Where are you?” Eren finally spoke up.

“Hold on.”

Eren heard the creaking of his mattress and shuffling footsteps as Jean moved. The footsteps became closer and then there was a hand on his. Eren’s heart pounded loudly in his chest, his mind too dizzy to focus properly. He was being pulled across the dark room, his hand in Jean’s.

“Turn around,” Jean commanded. Eren simply followed his order, feeling the bed frame against his thighs. “Now, sit.”

Eren tentatively lowered himself down onto the bed, hand still clasped in Jean’s fingers. They sat side by side as Eren looked around the room, finally beginning to see fuzzy outlines of objects. He turned to Jean, whose side was pressed against his own, and faintly made out his head. Dropping his gaze to their joined hands, he became increasingly aware Jean wasn’t wearing a shirt.

“Were you--” Eren tried, but stopped in order to clear his suddenly clogged throat. “Were you sleeping?”

“No,” Jean replied. “But I was trying to.”

Eren nodded, but then remembered it was dark and Jean probably couldn’t see him very well. “Oh, okay.”

Silence again. The only reason Eren had yet to pull his hand away was because Jean hadn’t pulled away either. His dizziness slowly subsided as his heart calmed, but his palms were beginning to sweat. He gently squeezed Jean’s fingers, squinting to get a better look at his face.

“Don’t say anything,” Jean squeezed his hand back. “Please.”

Eren clamped his mouth shut, brow furrowing in worry. Not only was this unusual behavior for Jean, it was a scene he never imagined being a part of in a million years. Sitting in Jean’s room, who was shirtless, holding his hand, actually obeying him without so much as a disgruntled sigh.

He was still trying to wrap his head around what was happening when he felt something on his shoulder. Tensing in surprise, he looked down to see a mess of sandy-brown hair resting there. Eren’s heart resumed its thunderous beat as Jean intertwined their fingers. He swallowed a lump in his throat, slowly lowering his shoulder to make it more comfortable for Jean.

“Sorry, this is probably weird for you,” Jean whispered.

“N-no, it’s okay.” Eren lowered his voice to Jean’s level. There wasn't really a reason to whisper, but the atmosphere seemed to call for it. An itch on his left foot began to make Eren restless.

“I’m just glad you were the first person to find me.” Jean nuzzled Eren’s shoulder. _Nuzzled_.

Eren looked around the room again, finally able to see actual objects from the faint light under the door. He kept fighting the urge to bounce his leg to relieve the itch on his foot, not wanting to disturb Jean. The fact that he was very aware of the warm presence at his side made everything worse.

“Erwin didn’t like my new plan,” Jean sighed. “He still thinks its better for you to shift.”

Eren relaxed, realizing why Jean was behaving so oddly. Anger bubbled to the surface, almost personally offended that Erwin had upset Jean. He gently tilted his head to rest on top of Jean’s, ignoring how awkward they probably looked.

“I won’t shift.”

“Even if we’re overwhelmed?”

“Not until you say I can.”

Eren turned his head so his face was in Jean’s hair. He wasn’t sure why he did it, it just felt right. Breathing in his scent, he let out a warm sigh.

“You would give me control?” Jean shifted slightly, causing Eren to lift his head.

“I trust you, Jean.” Eren looked down to see dark eyes looking back at him. “Believe it or not, I actually don’t like seeing you upset.”

Jean sat up, meeting Eren’s gaze. “Sorry I’ve been pissy lately, I’ve been overly anxious about this expedition and me taking it out on you wasn’t right.”

“I know,” Eren replied. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

In the dim light, Eren thought he saw Jean smile. For a moment, they sat there in the darkness, locked in the other’s gaze. But then a slight twitch from Eren had Jean bending towards him, leaning on their still clasped hands. Rational thought flew out the window at the rapidly decreasing space between them. Eren’s breath caught in his throat, not sure if he really understood what Jean was after.

“Eren,” Jean whispered. He stopped a couple inches from Eren’s face. “You’re pretty dense.”

“Hey...” Eren tried to snap back, but it trailed off weakly.

“Heh,” Jean breathed. “I mean, you’re not pulling away. That means you have no idea what I want.”

Eren blinked, wheels turning wildly in his mind. His gut was saying Jean intended to kiss him, but his mind was saying there was no way Jean felt that way about him. There was no way he felt that way about Jean...right? He was about to open his mouth and respond when Jean leaned back, falling into his bed.

“Figures.” He sighed, pulling his hand free from Eren’s.

Something shot through Eren, almost like a wound; a resounding pang in his chest that had his stomach feeling like the bottom dropped out of it. Frustrated, he rolled on top of Jean, squeezing his hips with his knees to hold him in place.

“What the--!” Jean shot his arms out on reflex, catching Eren’s shoulders. Eren loomed over him, swatting his hands away easily. Pinning his arms to the bed, Eren leaned in.

“Who’s dense?” Eren taunted, officially irritated with how hot and cold Jean was being. He stopped close enough to feel Jean’s ragged breathing falling over his own face. Brown eyes wide with shock never left Eren’s lips.

“Wait,” Jean said. “Are you angry?”

“A little,” Eren replied. “I don’t know why but what you said kind of hurt.”

“Sorry...”

Eren became hyper-aware of the predicament they were in; a panting, half clothed Jean underneath him and an all too familiar tightening sensation in his lower abdomen. Jean was clearly not going to tell him to move and Eren was far too afraid to question it. Finally, Eren rolled off of him, sitting up on the edge once more.

“I should go.” Eren stood then, not looking back to Jean who was quickly sitting up. “I just came to check on you.”

“Eren, wait!” Jean latched onto the hem of his jacket.

Eren froze, looking back over his shoulder to see Jean giving him a pleading look. He didn’t reply, choosing to remain silent so Jean could say what he wanted.

“Nevermind,” he sighed, dropping his arm. “I don’t want to keep you.”

Eren nodded, eager to get away to cool his head. He hadn’t meant for things to escalate like that, and now he was paying the price by ruining his time with Jean. With one final glance, he left Jean sitting alone in his room.

Out in the hall, the bright lights and and cool air eased the ache between his legs. He fell against the wall just outside the door, breathing deeply.

“What the hell was that…?”

 


	7. You're Important

The expedition began like any other. Jean gave a speech about ‘staying sharp’ and ‘having heart’ that sent Eren’s eyes rolling. The point was to pump up the Survey Corps as a whole, and anyone would agree he never failed in accomplishing that goal. He was a strong leader. But by this time Eren could predict exactly what he would say, so his attention was divided.

Armin ran through last minute maintenance checks on everyone’s gear, followed by Mikasa who was seemingly unphased by anything he was saying. She caught Eren’s eye as they walked by where he was mounted with his squad, mouth barely twitching into a smile of greeting. He nodded in response, too tired to manage much else. It wasn’t until Jean had stopped shouting, receiving a victory yell from the Corps, when Eren noticed he was missing a certain blonde cadet.

“Where’s Liza?” He looked back to his squad, quickly scanning the crowd around him.

Atticus stood in his saddle, his height an advantage to peer to the edge of the large mass of horses and people. After a minute he pointed to a spot near the front, plopping back down.

“With _him_.” The last word rolled off his tongue like he was spitting it out.

Eren arched a brow at him, following suit to stand up in his saddle. As he expected by Atticus’ reaction, Liza was with Jean. “I know you don’t like him, but don’t be so obvious.”

“Yes, sir...” Atticus looked away, dropping his gaze to the ground.

Before Eren got a chance to dismount and reclaim his squad member, the little blonde came hurriedly trotting back. He watched her head bob in between horses as she narrowly dodged the swishing tail of Connie’s horse and two of Mikasa’s guys who were arguing about who would ride next to her this time. He cocked his head as she approached, expecting her to clamber up into the saddle of her horse, but instead she stopped short by his side.

“The Commander wants you to ride with him today.” Liza flashed a brilliant smile, clearly pleased about something.

“He wants me to do _what_?” Eren snapped, looking up to see Jean staring back expectantly. Eren quickly broke eye contact. “I pick up the rear for a reason.”

“It was an order, and we,” she motioned to their squad, “are to report to Squad Leader Ackerman.”

Eren threw his hands up in exasperation, catching sight of Atticus who looked ready to fight someone. “I give up, he can win for today.”

“Yes, sir!” Liza saluted, far too giddy for Eren’s comfort level. She quickly mounted her horse and lead the squad to join Mikasa who was waiting with crossed arms.

“Be careful, guys!” Eren called after them. Liza stood in her saddle, turning back to look at him.

“I’ll take care of them, Captain!” She beamed, patting Atticus on the head. The remaining three men in his squad, all sent a gentle wave over their shoulders. With a grumble, Eren dug his heels in, urging his horse to move forward to the biggest horse here. Well, that was his opinion anyway.

“There better be a good reason for this besides keeping an eye on me.” Eren stopped next to Jean who was fiddling with his gear. Almost like he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have, he jumped and turned to face Eren.

“Of course,” Jean pulled his glasses off and pocketed them. “I thought we already talked about trusting each other?”

“Yes,” Eren chided. “But why else would you want to ride with me?”

Jean turned, angling his shoulders to face Eren. The corners of his eyes crinkled, mouth twitching into a frown. He seemed like he was weighing his choice of responses before finally deciding on, “You’re my Captain.”

Eren blinked, not expecting that type of answer. “Yes, I am.” _Smooth, idiot..._ he silently berated himself.

Jean threw his head back and laughed. To Eren, it looked like he was laughing off the weight he always kept on his shoulders. He smirked, finally looking at Eren again. “You’re blushing.”

“Shut up,” Eren grumbled in response. Nonetheless, he tucked his chin to hide the color he could practically feel creeping over his cheekbones. It wasn’t his fault Jean’s stupid hair caught the sunlight in just the right way and his booming laugh shook his chest and made his heart flutter like a crazed bird, right? No, definitely not his fault that his cheeks were betraying the war his insides were having. That bastard of a Commander was up to something, he could feel it.

“Just relax and ride with me.” Jean reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. Eren glanced down to it, counting the calluses along his fingers, then followed his arm back to the brown eyes that were watching him. Jean clenched his hand before dropping his arm completely.

“You were right to pick Mikasa,” Eren changed the subject. “She’s probably the only one who can handle that many cadets.”

“Obviously,” Jean huffed.

“Hey!” Eren growled. “I was trying to be nice! Keep your ego in check, your head is big enough already.”

“You rude little shit!” Jean leaned towards Eren in his saddle, grabbing a fistful of his cloak. “I meant Mikasa, not my decision making skills!”

“Let go, you ass--!”

“OKAY!” A voice rose from behind them, forcing them to freeze. Eren and Jean looked back to Armin, hands on his hips atop his horse. He looked between the two of them until they slowly separated, glaring daggers at the other all the way.

“We should get going,” Armin said calmly. “Jean?”

Jean righted himself, ignoring the snickers from the cadets nearby. “Yeah, time to go.”

“Don’t forget what I said, either.” Armin was glaring at the back of Jean’s head.

Eren sent him a questioning look but his steely gaze was still focused on Jean, who only nodded once in response.

“Wait, what are you talk--”

“ _MOVE OUT!!_ ” Jean’s violent roar rolled over the Survey Corps, silencing Eren. He jumped, clenching his legs, which subsequently spurred his steed forward. Jean was already on the move.

A wave of sound picked up behind them as the pounding of hundreds of hooves increased by the second. The open gate funneled them out beyond the walls, a new atmosphere opening up ahead. With one final glance to Armin, Eren lifted off of the saddle and urged his horse into a run, following Jean.

\---

The path to the forest was titan free thanks to the frequent patrol of that area. But Eren would have rather run into a titan or two then being at the front with a silent Jean. The ominous warning Armin had left weighed heavily on Eren, his focus falling short of the road and instead centering on Jean. That whole conversation of “trust” started banging him over the head.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, the treeline came into view. It was then that Jean looked at Eren, a nearly blank expression on his face, but Eren knew that look. That look said “shift and I’ll never forgive you”. Eren gave him a thumb’s up, not speaking aloud the questions running through his mind.

Jean shot a signal flare into the sky, splitting the Survey Corps. Jean and Eren flanked left with one half while Mikasa and Sasha lead the other. It would be impossible to force a large mass of people through at one time; the thick trees weren’t forgiving. For one day, they would be separated, forced to each pick a side and circle around the titan infested clearing.

“All good, Commander!” Armin shouted over the thunderous hooves.

Jean pushed faster, laying himself as flat as he could against the neck of his horse. The forest swallowed them, craggy branches threatening to gnash at their flesh. This was wasn’t going to be easy. Looking back, Eren watched as their wide set formation quickly narrowed. It was difficult to ride next to more than two or three people at a time. Jean had it planned, though. The individual squads fell away from the main herd, spreading into more of a spearhead shape then a pack. Now they had a better view of the area, so it was easier to watch their neighbor's back.

The forest floor rose and fell with the changing landscape. Their pace would have to slow soon so the horses wouldn’t stumble on any roots or hidden divots. Despite knowing this, Jean was slowly increasing his speed, and Eren was on edge. He glanced back to Armin who was watching Jean closely before whipping the reins of his horse. Bending low over it’s neck, he inched closer to Jean.

“Slow down!” He shouted over the wind and pounding hooves.

Jean narrowed his eyes in response. “We have to make up the time!”

“What?” Eren clutched the reins tighter as his horse jumped over a particularly high root.

“We’re losing a day doing this and I’m on a deadline!” Jean looked back at the half of the Corps that followed him, watching them effortlessly keep his pace. “They’re fine!”

“I’m not worried about the Corps!” Eren snarled. “The pace isn’t safe!”

“Deadline, Eren!” Jean reminded him.

“Wait,” Eren sat up straighter. “Erwin doesn’t know, does he?”

Jean didn’t respond.

“You’re defying the Commander-in-Chief?!” Eren’s eyes grew wide.

“I didn’t have a choice!” Jean glanced at him quickly, expression unreadable. “If we went in that clearing you wouldn’t have a choice but to shift!”

“You told me to trust you.” Eren’s brow furrowed. “You said this was for the Corps’ safety!”

“It is!” Jean sighed, trying to keep the anger from his tone. “It’s also for you, you idiot!”

“So, you split the entire Survey Corps in half, separated me from Mikasa and my squad, to protect me?” Eren growled low in his throat.

“It’s not like that, and you know it!” Jean gave him a pleading look, knuckles going white from his grip on the reins.

“It feels like you’re prioritizing me above everyone else!” Eren gave him a dangerous glare.

“Fuck, Eren!” Jean let his clenched fists hit his horse’s neck, momentarily startling it. “You’re important!”

“No, I’m not!” The words fell from his mouth before he could stop himself. He hadn’t meant to sound like the ‘suicidal bastard’ Jean thought he was, but the truth just slipped out.

“You are.” Jean replied, turning his eyes back to the road. “You are to me.”

Eren fell silent, not sure he had even heard Jean correctly. Although they had pulled a little bit ahead of the squads behind them, Eren was sure Armin was close enough to have heard some of what they’d said. A simple glance back confirmed that. Blue eyes were on him already, a frown tugging at his lips. He looked sad.

Eren told himself those blue eyes weren’t pitying him, even though the anger within said they were. He wasn’t a ‘suicidal bastard’ but he also didn’t value himself above everyone else. He knew he would sacrifice his life for Armin or Mikasa, his squad, even Jean. Anyone else. So many people had died for him, he had a lot of dying to do to catch up.

A sound flare far off to their right broke his train of thought. The thick foliage made it impossible to send up a signal flare, so if either group was in a pinch they were to use a sound flare to signal for help. Jean cursed under his breath before looking back to Eren.

“I’ll take a squad and go check it out!” He slowed his pace to move back into the pack.

“I’ll go too!” Eren called to him.

“No!” Jean said. “I need you here to guide the rest!”

Eren fought back his retort, uncomfortable with Jean going without experienced help. He finally relented when he thought about how talented he was with the maneuvering gear. No one could beat him in the air, that thought alone calmed him. He finally was even with Armin, who gripped his elbow. Eren couldn’t catch what he was saying, but Armin look concerned. Jean pulled away from him and Armin’s voice rose enough that Eren could catch what sounded like “It’s not safe!”

Soon, Jean took Armin’s squad and broke away on horseback to cross the clearing. Thankfully, they hadn’t made it the portion of the clearing that was heavily infested. They could still skirt along the edge to avoid the bulk of the titans. Eren watched them leave as Armin hurriedly caught up to him.

“Eren!” He called frantically. “You have to go after him!”

“What’s wrong?” Eren’s gut twisted into a million knots.

“Jean won’t listen to me, but I checked his maneuvering gear this morning and it’s got a hitch in it!”

“What do you mean?”

“The pulley gets stuck sometimes, but we didn’t have time to change it out.” Armin looked back but Jean and his squad were already gone. “He wouldn’t listen to me!”

“That asshole!” Eren growled, digging a heel in and pulling on the reins to turn his horse.

“Be careful!” Armin yelled back to him.

Eren cut across the squads now following Armin, eyes glued to the patch of brush Jean had disappeared through. He ignored the branches and thorns that ripped at his face and cloak, urging his horse to move faster. Her hooves beat the ground in a quick, steady rhythm. Eren could hear her breaths as her nostrils flared from the intense pace. Gently, he stroked up her neck, apologizing for making her work so hard.

“We’re almost there, girl,” he whispered against her mane. “We’ll stop that asshole.”

A bright patch of light grew larger in the distance, the trees thinning as he neared the clearing. Finally he broke through the trees and off to his left he could see the titans they had been avoiding. They were still a couple kilometers off, but Eren did his best to keep his ability as ‘the coordinate’ at bay. The last thing he needed was a herd of titans on his tail. Granted, he could make them go elsewhere but it wasn’t easy to consciously control his ability. It was basically hit or miss.

He refocused ahead of himself, expecting to see Jean and Armin’s squad but the clearing was empty all the way to the next tree line. Looking around, he couldn’t see any cloaks flapping in the wind. Jean wasn’t in the clearing. The knots in Eren’s stomach twisted further. He pulled to the right, heading for the backside of the clearing when a titan emerged into his path. At first, the gangly thing didn’t look at Eren but a sharp whinny from his horse drew the beady black eyes to him.

“Dammit!” Eren fell flat against his horse, urging her to go faster. Out here there was no way he could use his gear to kill it. He looked back as he past the titan, relieved to see this one wasn’t very fast. Finally, Eren reached the back of the clearing and his horse leapt over a fallen log to pass into the thick trees once more. The titan tried to follow but it’s wide shoulders wouldn’t allow it to go any further.

Sighing, Eren continued forward. He didn’t get far before he saw an abandoned horse just to his left. Slowing, he pulled up next to it, petting it’s neck when it started to pull away. It relaxed under Eren’s touch as he looked closer at the coloring. It was Jean’s horse.

Eren looked up immediately, scanning the trees for any sign of people. The area was unnaturally quiet. Cursing silently to himself, he dismounted and tied the two horses to the nearest tree. If Jean had left his horse he must’ve taken to the trees, there was no way he would’ve gone anywhere on foot. Even he knew how foolish that would be. With a running leap, Eren gripped the controls, pulling his weight into the air. The hooks shot out, sinking into a branch 20 meters above his head. The gas propulsion helped push him as he retracted the hooks.

With his height advantage as he was pushed and pulled from branch to branch, he searched for Jean. Each passing tree made Eren grow more and more frantic. There wasn’t a reason for Jean to have gone this far back, especially alone. Something bad must’ve happened for him to not have continued across the clearing.

A loud metallic snap to his left had him stumbling to a halt on a large branch. He doubled back and turned to follow the sound. His heart started pounding wildly, fearing why something metallic would be making that noise. Unless of course someone was on maneuvering gear.

“Jean!” Eren called to nothing, scanning back and forth. Finally, he found what he was looking for, but it wasn’t what he wanted to find.

Just ahead of him, at the base of a particularly large tree, a group of titans was gathered. They’re arms reached to the sky, some clawing at the trunk as if to try and climb it. It seemed like odd behavior for titans until Eren noticed what they were reaching for. Dangling by a single cord only a few feet from the hands of the tallest titan, was Jean. A very unmoving Jean.

“Jean!” Eren shouted, quickly attaching his hooks to the limb where he hung. Skidding to a halt from the abrasive landing, Eren collapsed onto the wide branch.

“Jean!” Eren called to him again, leaning over the edge. He didn’t respond. “Goddamit, Jean wake up!”

Eren’s face felt hot as he bellowed to his friend below. His heart leapt into his throat and choked him, cutting off any more words. Jean’s body shook as a titan jumped and brushed his boot with it’s fingers. Gasping, Eren quickly reached for the cord a few feet below him. Straining, he was able to grab it. Using his own hooks as leverage to the tree, he tried to pull Jean’s motionless body up. Inch by inch, hand over hand, Eren worked to save him.

“Dammit...Jean...you could stand...to lose...a few pounds!” He grunted between heaves. The cord cut into his flesh, and if it wasn’t for the bandages he always wore, he would have no protection on his palms at all. He panted heavily when he finally pulled him over the curve of the branch, falling back into the trunk.

Jean lay face first over the rough bark. Eren let his head drop back and closed his eyes as he breathed deeply. His arms and legs shook from the adrenaline rush and exertion of lifting a person larger than himself. Slowly, he cracked his eyes open and look at Jean’s back. He watched him for a moment, paying attention to how his clothes ruffled in a steady rhythm.

“He’s alive.” Eren sighed heavily, a choking sensation rising in his throat. He tried to swallow past it, but that only made his face warmer than before. Dropping his gaze to his hands, his vision blurred. Droplets of water hit his clenched fists in his lap and he blinked quickly to destroy anymore tears that threatened to fall. He rubbed a bandaged hand across his eyes before leaning forward to pull Jean closer.

He gripped under his arms, turning him so he lay parallel on the branch. With one final heave, and a grunt on Eren’s part, he flipped Jean onto his back. He didn’t wake but Eren saw his face contort slightly, as if he was in pain. There was blood on the front of his shirt, and even a little on the bolo tie that set brazenly on his chest. Eren’s heart skipped as he looked at his face where the blood was most prevalent. Pushing his hair back, he saw a long cut down the outside of his brow, very close to his left eye.  

“Fuck, Jean” Eren reached into his pocket to pull out a handkerchief that belonged to Levi. He gripped the shoulders of Jean’s jacket and gingerly pulled him so his head rested on his thigh. With one hand, he used the kerchief to stop the bleeding, while the other gripped Jean’s short hair.

“What the hell were you doing?” Eren knew he couldn’t hear him, being unconscious and all, but if he didn’t talk he would probably let those left over tears fall. “You asshole, you didn’t even listen to Armin! Now, look!”

Eren pressed harder into the wound on accident, making Jean twitch on reflex. He apologized by gently stroking his hair. “Sorry, you just scared the shit out of me.”

“You did this for me, didn’t you.” Eren didn’t say it as a question. Absentmindedly, he continued to stroke Jeans hair. “So I wouldn’t come close to the titans. Even though your gear was faulty you still did this.”

Eren looked down at him, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath. The rest of him appeared unharmed. It seemed however he got the gash was the reason he lay unconscious now. Lifting away the cloth he was pleased to see the bleeding had stopped. Folding it to reveal a clean corner, he sucked on the cloth to wetten it. As gently as he could muster, he dabbed at the dried blood on Jean’s face.

“Why are you doing all of this for me? Why am I important to you?” Eren reached his lips, slowly wiping across the pink flesh. He paused as he felt his breath fall over his fingers. “I’m a monster, an outcast…and you’re Jean. Kind and brave Jean.”

Eren leaned back once more, head falling against the trunk as he spoke. He kept his hand in his hair, feeling relaxed from the sensation of it combing through his fingers. “You draw people in, and they follow you willingly. I know what they say about me, when they think I’m not listening. So I can’t have you going out of your way for me. You are important to me, and you giving me special treatment could tarnish you. Don’t do this for me.”

Eren paused, the choking feeling in his throat was threatening to rise again. Below him, the titans were still gathered around. They clawed at the tree in a useless attempt at climbing. Running a thumb down Jean’s face, Eren sighed. He felt the contours of his sharp cheekbones and the soft skin of his lips. He left his hand there, allowing the puffs of breath to calm his hammering heart.

“I can’t lose you. Please stop being foolish.” Jean’s mouth twitched but Eren ignored it, gently rubbing his lips without thinking about it. “I don’t think I could manage without you, life would suck ass. I mean, of course life would suck without the person you li--”

Eren froze mid sentence, jaw hanging open. What had he just been about to say? That he liked Jean? He had been rambling to keep from crying, not really minding what was coming from his mouth. But he had not expected his mouth to get ahead of his brain. A titan falling into the tree shook the branch slightly, pulling Eren back into reality.

He finally felt the change in Jean’s breathing pattern and dropped his gaze to see bright brown eyes looking back at him. His thumb still sat on his lips, now partially parted that he was conscious. His other hand was threaded in his hair that fell over his thigh. Jean blinked slowly, face completely unreadable.

Eren gaped, unable to find a better word to say besides, “Fuck.”

 


	8. Talk to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, every song by Lauren Aquilina was written for EreJean. I'll just say I was inspired by a few of them for this chapter. Bonus points to those who figure out which songs.

"Can we go back to the part where you're unconscious and I just shut the fuck up?"

"What, like I close my eyes and pretend I didn't hear you making an ass of yourself?"

"Yes, exactly like that."

"Sorry, man. This changes everything."

Eren sighed, trying to look anywhere besides Jean's face in his lap. For someone who had just hit their head, Jean seemed painfully aware of what was happening. Far more so than Eren did, anyway.

“You're so oblivious." Jean chuckled, struggling to sit up. Eren quickly grabbed his shoulders, pushing him from behind.

"Be careful! You could get dizzy." Eren held him firmly, not letting him get far. "What do you mean, I'm oblivious?"

"Exactly." Jean glanced at him from the corner of his eye. His clunky gear still sat uselessly on his hips. With a grumble, he unhooked the latches and allowed the broken set to fall into the squirming group of titans below. Grabbing the branch for support, he wobbled on his shaky arms. But then he quickly gave up and flopped back against Eren who gasped in surprise.

"What did I say?" Eren scolded him. Nonetheless, he pulled Jean close allowing him to rest against him. Eren straddled the branch to create a space for Jean so he wouldn't roll off accidentally.

"Wait, was Armin's squad with me?" Jean froze up, warily glancing around for any sign of human life.

"No, I found your horse and followed back this way. You were alone." Eren turned his head away, Jean's face was too close.

"Good. I told them to go on ahead." Jean shook his head against Eren's shoulder.

"What?! Why?"

"That's not important right now."

"The fuck it is!" Eren tried his best to glare at Jean, but with his head on his shoulder, it was difficult to even see his face.

"Eren, chill. I'm alive." Jean breathed into his ear.

With those words, whispered against his skin, Eren forgot how to fight back. It felt like he was back in Jean's room, the pitch black closing in on him. His heart hammered against his chest. There was no way Jean couldn't feel it pounding against his back. Eren bit his lip, suddenly too nervous to speak.

"Wow, you okay there? I think your heart is trying to bruise me." Jean laughed at his own joke. When Eren didn't tell him to " _shut the fuck up_ " like he expected, he let it quickly die off.

"It was a joke..." Jean pulled away slightly to look at Eren, whose face was flushed, lip still caught between his teeth. "Eren?"

He finally spoke after taking a slow breath. "How much did you hear?"

"You mean when you thought I was unconscious." It wasn't a question. Jean frowned, feeling uncomfortable with calling Eren out on this particular subject. "Well, how much did you want me to hear?"

"Just tell the truth, not what I want you to say." Eren closed his eyes, painfully aware of how much of his body was pressed against Jean's.

"I woke up around "I can't lose you", I think." Jean fidgeted. "Then, there was everything you said after that..." He swallowed hard, running a hand through his hair. "You mean all that?"

"Yeah." Eren replied without hesitation.

"Wha-- oh, uh... I wasn't expecting you to answer." Jean looked at him with wide eyes, his surprise backing up his statement.

"No use lying now." Eren finally turned his face back towards Jean. His stomach felt like butterflies had invaded it. Sitting here, eyes locked with his, Eren couldn't think of anywhere else he'd rather be. Despite the noisy titans below, they were having a quiet moment; something Eren never knew he needed until now.

"Eren, I need to be honest with you." Jean's face was slowly becoming more and more red. He sat up, with Eren's help, and turned around on the branch so they were face to face. Eren watched him closely, afraid he would fall at any moment.

"You need to be careful!" Eren reached for him, but Jean pulled away.

"I said chill! I'm fine." Jean grumbled, giving Eren a pointed glare. "Geez, can't I just talk to you without arguing?"

"No." Eren pouted, choosing to look at his hands. "It's who we are."

"Maybe I don't want that anymore." Jean gripped the tree between his thighs, squinting at Eren's drooped head.

Eren looked up, head cocked to the side. The words rolled off his tongue without his approval. "Then what do you want?"

Jean caught his eyes, pulling up every ounce of courage. "I think you know."

"Is this some kind of mind game?" Eren scrunched his brow, pout back in full force. He remembered their conversation before about being friends. Jean had said he was his best friend and Eren had accepted that, he was excited by that. It was only now, in this moment, that he realized how misplaced it all sounded. Suddenly, what had excited him before, stung.

"Dammit, Eren." Jean cursed, scooting forward on the branch. He enclosed on Eren's space, forcing him back against the trunk. "Why can't you just listen to me?"

"I am listening!" Eren put his hands up defensively. "But nothing you say makes sense!"

"Not the words I'm speaking, you idiot! I'm talking about the things I've been too afraid to say!" Jean put a hand on either side of Eren's head, pinning him.

"Afraid to say..." Eren repeated. His mind was reeling, the words hitting home. All this time he had been too afraid to name the pangs in his chest when Jean walked away, the horrid emptiness at night when he couldn't sleep. He was too afraid now to name the reason his heart was beating wildly against his rib cage.

"What do you want?" Eren swallowed his fear.

"You." Jean let his head fall against Eren's chest. "Eren, I want you now. I want you tomorrow. I want you when no one else does. I want you out here by my side and when we're at home. But most of all, I want you to want me."

Eren opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. His tongue felt heavy, like the weight of everything he held dear resided on his next words.

"Okay."

Jean sat up, looking straight into his bright green eyes. "Really?"

"I don't know why I said that." Eren was stunned. "But it felt right."

"Talk to me," Jean prodded. "How do you feel about me?"

Eren fell silent, trying to pull up every emotion he connected with Jean. His mind wouldn't comply. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Jean wanted him. Wanted him like he did. _Maybe_ , he thought to himself, _maybe I begin here._

"You want _me_?" His chest constricted. "I've never been wanted like that before."

"Eren, you're so stuck on the monster inside that you can't even see what I do." Jean gripped Eren's thighs. "Yes, I want you."

"But, you're Jean! You can't stoop down for me, people won't like--"

Eren had to stop talking because his mouth was suddenly occupied with Jean's lips on his. The kiss wasn't perfect, neither was the hand in Eren's hair, pulling his face closer to Jean's. It was angry and forceful, like the way they knew how to communicate best. But it was what Eren needed.

Jean's lips were soft and when his tongue brushed against Eren's lips, he tasted the leftover blood. Eren completely melted into it, gripping the strong shoulders in front of him. Like he does with everything, Eren tried to take control. With a growl, Jean forced him back against the trunk, not once losing contact with their bruising kiss.

Pain shot through his back as he collided with the rough surface. He grunted into the kiss, completely overwhelmed by Jean's scent. He could taste him when their tongues met, and it was intoxicating enough for Eren to ignore the pain.

Jean finally pulled away, breathing heavily. He collapsed onto Eren, resting his head on his shoulder. Eren panted, and he swore stars were swimming in his vision. Shaking his head, he clenched his eyes shut.

"Okay, you want me," Eren breathed out, slightly confused.

"Yeah, glad you noticed," Jean chuckled.

They sat in silence until their lungs could work properly. Jean was resting against Eren, who didn't really know what to do with his hands. He pulled Eren's legs over his own so he could fall into him more easily. Eventually, Jean gripped Eren's elbows and traced his fingers down to his wrists. Pulling on his compliant hands, he wrapped Eren's arms around himself.

"Is this where we start?" Eren spoke up, voice much more shaky than before. He squeezed Jean tighter.

"You really have no idea what to do, do you?" Jean spoke into the crook of his neck. "You start by telling me how you feel about me."

"Oh. Right. Um..." Eren was practically sitting in Jean's lap, wrapped around his frame. "Isn't it obvious at this point? I didn't think I could feel anything for you besides what we were. But then you started saying things and making my chest hurt and it all went to shit."

"Mm." Jean hummed, smiling at the way he could feel Eren's voice vibrating through his throat.

"I'm not sure what I feel." Eren flinched when Jean stiffened. He slowly lifted his head, trying to mask the disappointment in his features.

"But I like this." Eren added, trying to soothe the hurt in Jean's eyes. "I really like this."

Jean forced a smile, feeling slightly better. Eren grabbed his face with both hands, not allowing him to look away. Jean's eyes widened when Eren leaned his forehead against his, noses brushing gently.

"Don't look like that," Eren growled. "You're sad face really hurts."

"Sorry," Jean mumbled. "I think I was expecting too much from you."

"Nah, I'm just an idiot." Eren pulled him close again. It was the only thing he could think of to make things better. "Just, give me time?"

Jean nodded into his neck, "Can't believe you admit to being an idiot." His breath there caused Eren's libido to skyrocket. At least he knew there wasn't a lack of sexual attraction between them.

"Okay, you're gonna have to move or we're gonna have another problem to deal with." Eren blushed, gently pushing Jean away.

"Really, Eren." Jean deadpanned, scooting back on the branch. Jean tried to act nonchalant, but Eren caught the red on his cheeks.

"Eren! Jean!" A voice rose up above the rustle of the titans below. They both snapped their heads down to see Sasha riding towards them, with what looked liked Armin's squad.

They both fell away from each other quickly, thankful they had mostly broken apart already. Eren waved, recovering first, as Sasha took to the air. She joined them up on the branch and Armin's squad began to take out the titans below. Previously, Eren had counted ten titans. They should be able to make quick work of them.

"Wow, what's up with your face!" Sasha laughed, plopping down next to Jean.

"The cable snapped when the pulley jammed." Jean pulled out a blade from Eren's gear to use as a mirror and inspect the gash on his brow. "I ended up eating bark."

"Ouch." Sasha winced. She turned then, "Eren, how come you didn't send off a sound flare?"

"I uh, well I didn't..." Eren couldn't come up with a better excuse than what the truth was. Like hell he was gonna tell Sasha that.

"It's my fault." Jean piped up, sliding the blade back into its slot. "I told him to wait, knew you guys would be coming back eventually. No use wasting a good flare." He shrugged, glancing down at Armin's squad who was just finishing off the last titan.

"Well, alright." Sasha slapped her thigh, standing up on the branch. "Guess we best get ya back to your horse."

"Right." Eren nodded, standing up with her. He reached out a hand to Jean. "We'll carry you down. Should be easy enough between the two of us."

Jean took his hand, slowly rising on shaky legs. He was still a little queasy from the hit to his head. He put an arm around Sasha and Eren's shoulders, standing in between them.

"Alright," Sasha called out. "Grappling hooks in place, titans a pile of steaming meat, and one Jean in tow. Let's go!"

They stepped back off the branch and allowed the cables to slowly lower them to the ground. Steam was still billowing from the decaying corpses, and they were all silently grateful no other titans were making an appearance. Once they reached the ground, Armin's squad rushed at them with the horses and a million questions

"Commander, why did you make us leave?"

"This is our fault!"

"Captain Jaeger, I'm so sorry please don't be mad!"

Jean silenced them with a wave. "Relax, I'm fine and this is my fault. I underestimated how many titans were on our tail."

Eren crossed his arms, shaking his head now that he knew why they were separated when he found Jean. Sasha smiled, completely amused by everything.

"So what happened with the others?" Jean looked from Sasha to the younger cadets. They mounted quickly, Jean and Eren picking a cadet to share a horse with, as they explained how Squad Leader Springer apparently needed to be taught the proper use of sound flares. A slip-up had caused his to dislodge and fire a round. Jean groaned internally that they had gotten into this mess over something that stupid.

Sasha waved as she set off back to her half of the Survey Corps. Eren lead the cadets back to the horses he left behind before they too returned to the people waiting for them. The whole ride back, trying to catch up to the corps, was silent. They rode at a break neck speed, and after an hour the backs that bared the Wings of Freedom came into view.

"Eren!" Armin called excitedly upon seeing him approach. He watched as Jean took his place at the front of the pack, Eren at his side. "You did it!"

"Don't look so surprised." Eren glared at him, voice falling flat. He just didn't have it in him to sound angry anymore.

"Jean!" Armin rode up next to him. "I can't believe you would go gallivanting off despite what I told you! You put everyone and Eren in a difficult position! This is unacce--"

"Armin." Eren interrupted, voice stern. "Enough."

Armin blinked, looking from Eren to Jean. "Woah, what happened between you two?"

"Nothing." Eren spoke, eyes locked on Jean's back. "Just let him be."

Armin fell silent, slowing his speed to fall back to his squad. He silently asked them for details, but they could only respond with a shrug. From his position, he watched Eren and Jean ride side by side. They didn't speak, but their occasional glances to each other spoke volumes.

"Well, would you look at that," Armin mused to himself. "Looks like my help isn't really needed, after all."

 


	9. Thanks For The Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH DIALOGUE. OTL

The sun was setting the next time they stopped. Mikasa had successfully led the other half to their meeting point, and Eren was all too excited to see his squad. The remainder of the day had been unnervingly quiet. Jean continued on in the lead, giving off an aura that Eren didn’t want to deal with. Although, it had seemed that was what he was aiming for. He kept replaying their kiss over and over again in his mind, each time making sitting in a saddle very uncomfortable. So, he allowed the worry in the back of his mind to take over.

Little Liza could take care of herself, but he was genuinely worried about Atticus. He wasn’t all too concerned about the other three. They walked around with an air of confidence that could put most people to shame. The same could not be said for Atticus. He acted tough, but Eren had to save him more times than he would like to admit. His strong point was his loyalty hands down, but it did frighten Eren how dedicated he was to him. Hell, the guy had even tried to rough Mikasa up once when she had griped about Eren’s tardiness. Atticus had spent three days in bed from the amount of bruises he walked away with.

Now, they were all together and Eren let the worry fade when he saw their faces. Liza beamed and waved from her horse, gently punching Atticus’ arm when he didn’t do the same. His eyes widened slightly when he looked up, almost smiling at his Captain. Almost. He caught himself and played it off as a grimace, then waved shyly.

“Yo, glad you guys are okay.” Eren walked up to them, already having abandoned his mount. “Anyone smack Connie around?”

Liza made a face like she was remembering something unpleasant. “Squad Leader Ackerman.”

Atticus shivered.

“Ha!” Eren laughed. “Serves him right, he put us through some shit.”

“Captain.” Atticus dismounted, approaching Eren. “I heard about…”

Atticus trailed off, eyes falling somewhere past Eren’s shoulder. He followed his gaze, turning out of curiosity. At first, Eren was confused as to what had drawn his attention. Corps members were bustling around, trying to set up camp, but one person was standing still. Without warning Atticus stormed past Eren, making a beeline for Jean. He had been standing by his horse, watching Eren talk to his squad, but now he was bracing himself for what was to come.

“Why?!” Atticus growled at Jean, grabbing him by his collar. His height was enough to drag Jean a little off his feet. “You put him in danger!”

“Atticus!” Eren rushed forward, but stopped when Jean held up a hand to him. He looked at him briefly before returning back to his attacker.

“Put me down.” Jean commanded, voice alarmingly lethal. Atticus flinched, falteringly slightly. But he kept his fingers wound in the collar of Jean’s jacket, knuckles turning white.

“Answer me!” Atticus tried again, backing him up against his horse.

Eren was becoming nauseated with fear. Not that he was afraid of what Atticus or Jean could do to each other, but attacking the Commander of the Survey Corps was a serious offense. Liza seemed to be thinking along the same lines, she was nervously toying with the ends of her hair.

“ _I said_ ,” Jean narrowed his eyes. “Put. Me. Down.” Each word fell from his lips like a threat. He might as well have said, “ _I’ll kill you if you don’t_.”

Atticus glared for a few more seconds before slowly lowering Jean and releasing him. Liza breathed a sigh of relief, and Eren ran to them. He hadn’t noticed before, but it seemed everyone had stopped to view the spectacle.

“Atticus!” Eren barked, turning to face him by Jean’s side. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

He visibly blanched, now faced with his Captain. He bowed his head, breathing forcefully, and turned on a heel to leave. Before Eren could go after him, Jean put a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay.” Jean shook his head. “I’m not hurt, so no need to punish that.”

Eren wanted nothing more than to yell until the moon was high in the sky. Yell at Atticus for accosting Jean, for putting his hands on him. His eye twitched as they watched him walk away, Liza running after him. Jean squeezed his shoulder, forcing Eren to relax.

“Sorry about him.” Eren looked back at him. “He is very stubborn, it’s hard to get him to respond to anyone other than me.”

“He’s a lot like you, actually.” Jean smirked, going back to unpacking the gear on his horse.

“Like how I used to be.” Eren corrected him.

“Right.” Jean laughed. “How you _used_ to be.”

“Shut up.” Eren punched his shoulder playfully. He allowed a small smile to pull at his lips, but then his face fell. Atticus’ little freak out moment had distracted him from what had been plaguing him all day. Now that he and Jean were chatting like nothing had happened, it all came crashing back over him.

“I need to be with my squad.” Eren muttered quickly, turning to leave.

“Woah, hey.” Jean called out, stopping him. “Can you bandage this up for me first?”

Jean pointed to the gash on his head, bandages in the other hand. Eren was probably the most efficient with wound care, what with his extensive experience. But, he had a feeling that wasn’t the only reason he was stalling him now.

“Alright,” Eren looked around. The sun had nearly set and the tree coverage was making it even darker than it was. A couple cadets had started a small fire and left to get more wood, so it was a vacant source of light. “Let’s sit over there.”

Jean followed him to a fallen tree and perched on it next to him. The light from the fire danced across their faces, illuminating every movement. Pulling out another spare handkerchief, also property of Levi, he left a lot of those behind, he wettened it with water from his canteen.

“I need to clean it,” Eren explained when Jean looked at him funny. “Also, you’ve still got dried blood on your face.”

“I can do that.” Jean reached for the cloth.

“You can’t even see your own face.” Eren rolled his eyes. “Just shut up.”

Jean clamped his mouth shut and let his arm fall. Eren leaned in, grabbing his chin in one hand. He turned his head so the light fell across the injury and gently dabbed at it with the wet cloth.

“Ow!” Jean yelped, pulling away.

“Oh, right.” Eren blinked. “This might hurt.”

“Thanks for the warning!” Jean replied, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“Don’t be such a baby.” Eren snapped, grabbing his face again. “Just sit still.”

“It hurts!” Jean flinched when the cloth made contact with the wound again. “Can’t you be gentle?”

“I _am_ being gentle.”

“ _Tch_. Could’ve fooled me.”

“That’s not that hard.”

“Asshole!”

Eren smiled, ignoring the foul name. This behaviour was normal for them, but somehow it lacked its usual bite. Jean was watching people wander around, talking in their different groups, and every time Eren dabbed at the wound, his face twitched. Eren couldn’t say he was being as gentle as he could, it was kind of funny to see him whine. Finally, he relented and left the wound alone to clean the rest of his face that he had missed earlier.

He drained the rest of his canteen to clean the kerchief, moistening it again. Jean turned his attention back to Eren as he wrung out the cloth, watching his hands intently. Under such scrutiny, even this task was making Eren nervous.

“What?” Eren glanced at him, shaking out the rag.

“Thank you.” Jean said, catching Eren’s eye.

“For what?” He returned to cleaning his face, gently wiping his cheek and a little bit at the ends of his hair.

“Everything.”

“That’s a broad ‘thank you’.”

“I mean, everything.” Jean grumbled, looking away as Eren dabbed at the corners of his mouth. “Defending me, helping me…kissing me.”

Eren stopped moving, his heart skipped a beat. He let his hand drop back into his own lap. Jean noticed and looked to him, worry pulling at his features.

“Do you…” Jean started. “Do you regret it?”

“No.” The word came out before his mind could think. Shocked, he looked at the fire, watching it wave and flick. “I mean, I can’t say I didn’t like it.”

Jean nodded slowly, following his gaze. “Bandages?”

“Huh?” Eren snapped his head back to him, confused.

Jean pointed to his head. “It needs to be covered.”

“Right. Covered. Bandages.” Eren fumbled with the roll of fresh wrapping, unable to find the point where it started. Jean breathed a small laugh and took it from him, easily finding the edge and pulling on it.

“Chill.” Jean handed it back and turned to face him once more. “I’m not gonna bite.”

“That’s a terrible way to comfort someone.” Eren chastised him.

“Ah…” Jean froze, realizing what he had said. “Shit, sorry.”

Eren huffed a sigh, and began to wrap the bandages around Jean’s head. His hair was soft, and now in such close proximity he could tell it smelled nice. Probably not the best thing to think while you bandaged up your commanding officer’s head, but Eren was far from normal. He sat back to admire his handiwork, pleased with how neat and tight it looked.

“You’re gonna have a blind spot.” Eren pointed out. “It’s pretty close to your eye so I had to cover part of it.”

Jean moved his eyes from side-to-side, testing his peripheral vision. When he located the spot to his left, he followed it, turning his head. He sighed and leaned back onto the log.

“Great.” Jean’s voice fell flat, clearly not pleased.

“You’ll need someone to stay by your side until we get home.” Eren said, holding the cloth by the fire to dry it. Jean leaned forward, smirking at him.

“Oh yeah?”

Eren did not like where this was going. “Jean…”

“Why don’t you stay by my side?” Jean smiled, cocking a brow. “Protect me.”

“You really think that’s gonna work on me?” Nonetheless, Eren was feeling hot. The fire was only part of the cause.

“You know you want to.” Jean grinned devilishly. Eren swallowed, completely falling for his trap.

“J-Jean, my squad…” Eren stuttered, unable to find the words he needed fast enough.

Jean scooted closer, pressing their thighs together. “They’ve done just fine without you.”

Eren glanced around warily, the other squads had already grouped up and were dividing rations for dinner. No one was paying attention to them.

“No excuses, now.” Jean brushed a hand against Eren’s bandaged wrist. “Please?”

The last word pulled at Eren’s heart. He was surprisingly weak to his voice when it dropped low and husky. Eren blamed that kiss. It was messing with his head.

“When you say it like that…” Eren groaned.

“Perfect.” Jean smiled and pulled away. Eren’s jaw dropped slightly.

“Did you just…” Eren started, looking at him in disbelief.

“Seduce you?” Jean grinned. “Yes, I did.”

“Unbelievable.”

“You liked it.”

Eren didn’t respond, instead choosing to focus on how slow the cloth was drying. He was very irritated with how long it was taking. The longer he sat by Jean, surrounded by more than one type of heat, the more nervous he became.

“You look like you’re gonna pass out.” Jean broke his concentration, making him jump.

“I’m not!” Eren’s voice cracked. Jean laughed.

“Okay, I’ll stop!” Jean stifled his giggles, clutching his sides. He breathed deeply for a minute while Eren pouted. “I didn’t think you would be that easy to coax.”

“It’s your fault.” Eren replied stubbornly, sounding like a petulant child.

“Look,” Jean sighed. “I’ve made it obvious what I want. But, that doesn’t mean you have to go along with it. If you don’t like it, I’ll stop.”

Eren suddenly felt panicked. “Stop?”

“Yeah, I’ll leave you alone.” Jean was doing his best to hide how much it hurt to say that. “Or something like that.”

Eren watched him, watched him kick at the dirt, looking like he was preparing for the worst. Just like the sad eyes that found his after they kissed, his slumped shoulders were too unbearable. Later, probably the next day, Eren would chalk up what he was about to do to insanity. Something like, ‘under the influence of hair that smells like cinnamon and a voice that shakes his bones’, yeah that sounded like a good excuse.

Eren pulled at his arm, catching his chin with his free hand, then forced him to turn. Jean started to speak, to question what Eren was doing, but he didn’t give him a chance. For the second time that day, and against everything Eren ever thought he would do, they kissed. Unlike the first time, this one was gentle. Surprisingly gentle. Jean did not protest, and for a moment he didn’t respond. But when Eren dug his fingers into his arm, he leaned into it.

It was all lips and breath, less fervent and more sensual. Not that Jean was complaining, he had felt a little bad about how rough he was before. But before Jean could make it anything more, Eren pulled away.

“I thought I said your sad face hurts.” Eren watched Jean try to compose himself and fail. It seemed he was dumbstruck, completely entranced by Eren.

“Is this going to happen every time you think I look sad?” Jean murmured.

Eren crossed his arms, carefully looking to see if anyone saw them. The coast seemed clear so far. “It was like a reflex or something, I don’t know.”

“Bullshit.”

“Hey!” Eren barked. “I can just not do that at all, that works too.”

“Woah there, let’s not get too hasty.” Jean backpedaled, holding his hands up in defense. Eren shook his head and sighed.

They sat in silence for a while, watching as the fire got lower, listening to the mindless chatter of the people nearby. Too much had happened in one day and Eren was still trying to figure out how to tell Jean what he wanted. He knew he liked the kissing, that was definitely good. Human contact in general was nice, but with Jean it was exceptional. Something about him was different. Different than the way he felt about Armin or Mikasa, different than his relationship with his squad. He just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“This is different.” Jean finally spoke. Eren nearly choked on air, surprised at how close that was to his own thoughts.

“W-what?” He stuttered.

“I know you pretty well, so you were probably just thinking how things are different for us than with others.” Jean shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“I don’t…” Eren blinked. “Wow. Yeah. That was pretty good.”

Heh,” Jean breathed. “Thought so.”

“It’s just, I don’t know what to make of this. It all just happened so fast. But I like it, and that’s why I’m confused.” Eren scratched the back of his head, leaning back to look at the trees.

“That’s my fault.” Jean said. “I pressured you and I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Eren looked to him. “Besides, we’re kind of even on the kissing thing now, so...yeah.”

Jean smiled, eyes reflecting the dimming fire. A spark popped from the embers, landing at their feet. Eren snuffed it out with his boot, kicking the dirt around.

“Whatever happened to more firewood?” Eren sat up, looking back to the rest of the corps. Squinting in the darkness, he saw a smidge of pale yellow just over a ridge. He blinked and it was gone. It was too dark to be sure, but that looked like a head.

“Armin…” Jean groaned, dropping his head into his hands. “He got us.”

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Eren complained, rising to look for more wood.

“That sneaky little bastard.” Jean barked out a laugh, following Eren. “I’m gonna kill him when I find him. I can’t believe he set this up.”

“We don’t know that for sure.” Eren gave him a pointed look.

“It’s always Armin.” Jean nearly tripped in the dark, grabbing Eren’s arm for support. “When in doubt, It’s Armin’s doing.”

“Ah, yeah. That makes sense.” Eren caught another flash of yellow before sighing. “Arm, stop it.”

His oldest and best friend came waltzing through the brush, completely smug. Jean glared at him, not amused in the slightest.

“How long were you watching?” Eren asked, a knot twisting in his stomach.

“That was a pretty heated kiss.” Armin giggled

“Shit.” Jean cursed under his breath, still clutching Eren’s arm.

Eren groaned, mortified that he had been so careless. Armin didn’t seem to mind, instead he was smiling like an idiot, looking at where Jean hung on Eren.

“I feel like my life’s work is finally paying off. This is nice.” Armin folded his arms, still grinning heavily. “When’s the wedding?”

“Armin!” Jean spoke up, finally letting Eren go. “We’re not like that!”

“OKay, okay!” Armin laughed again, backing away. “I won’t intrude anymore.”

Eren refused to make eye contact with anyone, staring off into the darkness instead. He wasn’t ready to call out his feelings, let alone talk about them with someone who wasn’t Jean. Even if that person was Armin.

“Please,” Jean begged. “It’s complicated.”

Armin nodded, turning away from them. “I won’t say anything. But I can’t promise I won’t set up quiet spaces for you two like this again.”

Jean would’ve made up some retort to that, but he knew how hard it was to find alone time with Eren. He watched Armin go, accepting what he hinted at. As long as it was just Armin, he was okay with it.

“Well,” Eren said. “This has been a fun day.”

 


	10. Falling Deeper

 

“This village is literally stupid.”

“Eren, shut up.”

“We can’t use any of this! There’s like five houses.”

“Who taught you how to count?”

“Same person who taught you how to dress yourself.”

“...My mother?”

“Boom.”

“Fuck you.”

 

\---

They had found the village by the next evening, brazenly sitting in the middle of nowhere. There were a few trees that had grown into the buildings, but it was mostly tall grass and weeds that were causing a problem. It was completely overgrown. The majority of the homes were barely standing and the ones that looked sturdy enough had problems with the foliage. Eren was thoroughly disappointed, having expected something more akin to what they were used to. Jean on the other hand was not taking anything Eren dished out. He had been away from home for too long and everything Eren said was grating on his nerves. After the events of the day before, Jean was sure things would be different. Maybe Eren would stop being so insufferable and angry all the time. Clearly, he was asking for too much.

“All I’m saying is, I don’t know what Erwin was expecting us to do with this.” Eren tossed and turned in his sleeping bag.

“We are the _Survey_ Corps, Eren.” Jean rolled his eyes. “We _survey_ things and kill titans.”

“Is that supposed to be funny?”

“Go to sleep.” Jean turned away from him. “We have a lot of work to do tomorrow in salvaging this place.”

“Whatever, Jeanbo.”

Jean twitched, biting his tongue so he wouldn’t fight back. He listened as Eren tossed and turned for a little while longer, sighing in frustration ever so often, before finally falling asleep. When he thought it was safe, Jean chanced a look over his shoulder. Eren was only a hand width away from his back. He was breathing deep and even, and once Jean was convinced he was asleep for good, he smiled to himself before closing his eyes.

 

\---

The sun was barely peeking above the horizon when Jean awoke next. He was always an early riser, so it wasn’t unusual he was up before the sun. His head was pounding and the hard earth wasn’t helping. Blinking wearily at the pale sky, he tried to rub his eyes but found his arm wouldn’t cooperate. Surprised, he looked down and finally felt the added weight on his right side.

“Eren, you’re crushing the right side of my body.” All Jean could see was a mess of brown hair splayed out on his chest.

“Hnn…” Came his reply.

Eren rubbed his face against Jean in his sleep. “Shh. M’tired.”

“You… you might want to move.” Jean pulled at Eren’s hair with his free hand. “You’re cuddling with me.”

Eren hummed in response. Neither moved for a moment, Eren seemed blissfully unaware of everything and Jean was looking around desperately to see if anyone else was awake yet. Then almost as if he was slapped, Eren sat up. He looked down at Jean with wide eyes.

“Good morning.” Jean smirked.

“We were what?” Eren scrambled out of his sleeping bag, limbs more tangled than he thought possible.

Jean looped his numb right arm behind his head, grateful for the pillow. “Cuddling. You know, it’s cute.”

“It wasn’t on purpose.” Eren finally clambered out then glowered at Jean. “And I’m not cute.”

“I didn’t say _you_ were cute.” Jean sat up, watching Eren fumble around. “You’re lucky I’m nice, otherwise I wouldn’t have woken you up before everyone else.”

Eren paused folding up the sleeping bag and looked behind him to where the others rested. Most were still asleep and a few had started to rouse, but even they were still holed up inside their covers. Jean sent him a lazy smile, completely entertained.

“Thanks.” Eren huffed then stood up and walked away with the thick bag rolled up under his arm.

Jean watched him go before cleaning up his spot as well. More people were waking up and he wasn’t going to start any important conversations with Eren right then and there. He knew how uncomfortable Eren was about all of this, especially when there was an audience. Besides, they had a lot of work to do today. There would be time for Eren later.

“Much later…” Jean mumbled to himself. “Maybe when I’m dead.”

Right. Eren could wait.

 

\---

“Sooo…”

“No, Armin.”

“Aww, c’mon Eren. You didn’t even give me a chance!” Armin rolled up his sleeves and helped Eren pull rotting lumber from one of the doorways. With a snap, the wood gave way under their hands. They let it fall, crumbling to pieces, and stepped across the dusty threshold.

“I already know what you want to ask.” Eren covered his face with his sleeve, coughing from the dust and the musty smell. The place looked like it hadn’t been occupied in a hundred years or more. Which made sense, he’d never heard of anyone living outside the walls.

“Then why don’t you just save us both the trouble and answer me?” Armin pulled a bandanna over his mouth and nose. He grimaced at the state of the shoddy building. “I don’t know if we can save this place.”

“Finally, someone agrees with me.” Eren smacked him on the shoulder, making him stumble slightly.

“You’re avoiding it.” Armin glared at him for the smack.

They turned and abandoned the building. “Alright, alright. We kissed.”

“I’m aware.” Armin giggled.

“Twice.”

Armin stopped walking, staring at Eren with wide eyes. “What?! When was the second one?”

“Actually, what you saw _was_ the second one.” Eren looked away.

“Wait.” Armin pulled the bandanna down from his face. “So when you brought Jean back… you two had already kissed?”

“Would you be quiet?!” Eren hushed him, giving an intense glare to a cadet who was looking their way.

“So that’s why you two were acting funny.” Armin smiled to himself, like he knew he was right about something. “So you guys _are_ a couple now.”

“No!” Eren snapped, pulling Armin to a quiet spot between two buildings. “He just said he wants me, not like sexually. Well, he probably wants that too. But, like, he made it sound like a relationship or something. I don’t know.”

Armin nodded slowly, taking in Eren’s words. “And?”

“And, what?” Eren furrowed his brow.

“ _And_ what do you want?” Armin rolled his eyes, brandishing his hands in the air.

“I don’t know?” Eren copied Armin’s mocking tone.

Armin shook his head and opened his mouth to reply with something that would probably be very witty and sarcastic but he never got to say it. Jean found that this was the opportune moment to come casually walking around the corner. He halted and looked suspiciously between the two of them.

“Do I wanna know?” Jean asked flatly.

“No.” Eren fled past him, leaving him and Armin to stare at each other blankly.

“I’ll give you three guesses.” Armin laughed when Jean prompted him with a curious look.

“Nevermind.” Jean shook his head. Armin quickly left as well, heading in the same direction Eren had gone.

"I thought you were gonna stay out of this?" Jean called out to Armin as he ran after Eren.

"Eren doesn't count!" Armin waved back to him, smiling.

Jean narrowed his eyes, watching the two flee. Things were starting to get out of hand. Armin knew more than he wanted him to, and Eren wasn’t interested enough. At this rate, everyone in the Survey Corps would know before Eren figured out what he wanted.

Jean breathed deeply, letting his shoulders relax. The two had already disappeared into another building, joining up with Eren’s squad most likely. He always tried to run to them when he was being insecure. For a while Jean had thought Eren had a thing with Liza, but then he learned her age and quickly let that idea go. She was a cute kid, and smart too. It was no wonder Eren seemed the most comfortable around her.

A loud snap behind him broke Jean’s train of thought. He leaned into the building where the noise had come from, looking around curiously. “Everything okay?”

Mikasa’s head popped up from behind what looked to be a rotting sofa. “Commander.”

Jean stepped into the building, careful to avoid the gaping hole in the floor to his immediate right. Not many of the homes had a basement, but this one had a flooded one. “What was that noise?”

“I’m trying to find the entrance to the basement.” Mikasa stood, brushing the dirt from her knees. “Preferably access that isn’t flooded.”

Jean peered over the dusty lump of a sofa at the boards she had been pulling up. “Any luck?”

“It’s strange.” Mikasa ignored the question, staring at the hole thoughtfully. “There’s a level underneath this one but no obvious door.”

“It’s not like we need it.” Jean shrugged. “Don’t worry about putting in effort for something as useless as that.”

Mikasa nodded but continued to stare at the hole she was making. “I heard a noise.”

“Huh?” Jean looked at her. “Where?”

“Down there.” Mikasa pointed to the floor.

“Mikasa…” Jean took a step back. “That’s really creepy.”

They stood in silence for a moment, Mikasa staring at the floor and Jean wondering if he should run away. Mikasa broke the tension by stepping forward, grabbing a piece of discarded wood on the sofa, and dropping it into the hole.

“Listen.” She whispered.

Jean paled, not really interested in figuring out what she was talking about. He glanced into the dark pit, waiting for a splash or thump signifying the plank had landed, but nothing happened. When he was ready to give up and speak, he heard it; a small splash, like it was at the bottom of a well.

“How deep is this basement?” Jean stepped closer, cautiously leaning over the edge.

“I counted to ten before it hit.” Mikasa turned to him. “But it’s not over yet.”

Just as Jean was about to question her again, a noise from the basement cut him off. It was a wail. A very, almost-human, wail. Much deeper, though, like the person was too big to be normal.

“Is there a titan down there?!” Jean stumbled back, catching the sofa for leverage. Mikasa’s squad was now standing at the door, looking out of breath.

“So you found him, ma’am?” Bo spoke up, joining her by the hole.

“He found me.” Mikasa nodded to her squad member.

The rest of her squad gathered around the hole she had been making, discussing what they should do. They were mostly in agreement someone should go down there and check it out. Jean was very okay with not doing that.

“What do you think, Commander?” Mikasa finally asked, gesturing towards the hole.

“That you should burn this house down.” Jean looked at her like she was crazy. “That titan is trapped down there, why do we need to see it?”

“We thought, sir, that there was more to it than that.” Bo answered for her.

Mikasa nodded. “It doesn’t make sense. How did it get down there if there’s a house over the hole.”

Jean blinked, looking around the building. The walls and roof were fully intact, in fact, it was one of the few buildings still completely standing. “What about outside?”

“Ah…” Mikasa froze, eyes widening slightly. “An outside entrance.”

“There’s so many weeds around here you probably walked right past it.” Jean trailed after Mikasa as she quickly went out the front door. “Are you still going?”

“I feel like there’s more than just a titan down there.” Mikasa pulled at the weeds around the perimeter of the house, pausing occasionally to tap the ground with her boot.

“No, you’re not.” Jean stopped and crossed his arms across his chest.

“Are you ordering me?” Mikasa looked back to him, squinting incredulously.

“If that’s what it takes.”

She stood up straight and turned to face him. “Fine.”

Jean was fully aware Mikasa could kick his ass, but he would accept a beating if it meant she would listen to him. Still, he was relieved when she decided to just walk past him and leave. Sighing, he moved on from her and her squad to inspect the other buildings. He had to admit, it was rather intriguing why a titan was in a basement. It raised a lot of questions like, why it was there and how did it get in there, but he still didn’t think it was worth it.

 

\---

Dinner that night consisted of bread, meat provisions, and dirty glares from Mikasa. She always got that way when Jean pulled rank on her. He ate quickly and tried to ignore her by listening to reports from the squad leaders. He missed most of what they said because he could practically feel her eyes boring into the back of his skull.

"What the hell did you do?" Eren plopped down next to him when the last report was finished. The fire was dimming and all Jean wanted was to crawl into his sleeping bag and ignore everything. Especially Eren.

"I gave her an order." Jean ducked his head.

"Are you serious?" Eren laughed. "Why would you do something stupid like that?"

"You know, I _am_ still the Commander around here." Jean frowned. "You people act like I'm out to get you when I do my job."

"Sorry, Jean." Eren patted his shoulder. "We knew you when you're biggest dream was to be a pompous douche and join the Military Police."

"I really hate you." Jean scowled, shaking Eren's hand off. Eren smiled in apology and playfully nudged Jean's knee with his own.

"No, you don't."

"I know."

The fire had gone out and most everyone had unpacked their sleeping bags. They would ride home the next day to make up for the one they used to miss that titan filled clearing. Of course, they'd still be a day late because they would have to take the same path back. But one day was better than two.

"How's the bandage holding up?" Eren peered around to inspect Jean's head.

Jean touched it gingerly, like he had almost forgotten it was even there. "It's fine. Actually, it hasn't bothered me at all."

Eren nodded. "Good, we should change it in the morning."

Jean fell quiet, remembering the last time they had sat by a fire like this. Eren had kissed him after tending to his injury. It almost felt like a dream; it was all too unreal to think they had been involved in anything together that didn't consist of arguing or fighting.

"I talked to Armin today." Eren filled the silence. Jean didn't need to ask what they talked about to know exactly what it was.

"Okay." Jean stood, motioning for them to walk. Eren followed without question.

"He says I'm an idiot."

"Tell me something I don't know." Jean stopped by his horse, unloading his own sleeping bag while Eren did the same.

"Shut up." Eren glanced at him. "He said that because I'm not trying, apparently. Even though it's been like a day. He reminded me I've had ten years."

"Granted," Jean interrupted. "I haven't liked you like this for ten years. I only realized it myself a couple weeks ago."

"Really?" Eren stopped mid stride, nearly dropping his sleeping bag.

"Well, I mean, yeah..."Jean sat on the ground, setting up a spot away from the others. He patted the dirt next to himself, looking up expectantly.

"Sleep here tonight?" Jean nearly punched himself at the underlying implication he hadn't intended to be there.

"Well someone has to stay by your side, like I said." It obviously flew right over Eren's head. Jean sighed in relief.

"Right. That's what I meant." Jean mumbled under his breath. Eren only sent him a questioning look once before shrugging and deciding if it was important enough, Jean would repeat whatever he said.

The moon was high in the sky, stars filling the blank canvas, by the time everyone had settled down. The first patrol of the evening had started and under the white light it was easy to see the sleeping lumps on the earth. Eren was curled up at Jean's side, close enough that if they faced each other it would be awkward. Well, Jean wouldn't mind but he assumed Eren might freak out.

"It's kinda cold tonight." Jean remarked, staring up at the stars.

Eren opened his eyes, watching him. "Is it? I'm warm."

"Oh yeah?" Jean replied dismissively, he was starting to drift off.

He was almost out when he felt something push against him. Jean grunted, blinking wearily at the body pressed against his. He was faintly aware Eren had looped his arm across his torso, drawing him into his body. But, the pleasant warmth was too intoxicating so he drifted off to sleep.

 


	11. Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update took longer because life happened and ran my ass over

Eren shivered against the early dawn, already missing the extra source of heat Jean had provided. Somehow, and most likely by a miracle, he had awoken before Jean. He wasn’t sure what had come over him the night before. But as the sky lightened, a small grunt from Jean had stirred him and that’s when he remembered the events leading up to him being wrapped around his body.

He had to admit that he had been fairly comfortable with his head on Jean’s chest, arms tangled under the blankets in Jean’s clothes. The chilly morning air was seeping into his skin and he never thought he would be longing to be close to Jean as he was now. He finished packing his horse before waking his squad, the day was just starting.

The entire trip back was pleasant enough for Eren, no titans crossed their path that weren’t easily eliminated and Jean was strangely nice. He kept complimenting Eren on his hair and skills bandaging wounds. Normally, Eren would start to wonder if it was a trap, but he had a feeling it had a lot more to do with the things left unsaid. At least the trip back would be far less exciting than the trip there.

 

\---

“Errreennn!!”

“Oh, no.”

Eren had just arrived at the Garrison headquarters, deciding to visit Levi first, when the last person he wanted to see came running towards him. Hanji was a disheveled mess, to say the least. Her hair was slipping from its usual ponytail, uniform rumpled like she'd slept in it, and her glasses were nowhere to be found. He took a step back, quickly scanning the hall for an open room to hide in, but it was too late. Hanji skidded to a halt in front of him and took his wrists in her hands.

"Eren! How was the trip? Did you shift? Lose any limbs?" Hanji's eyes lit up as she inspected the small scratches on Eren from his flight through the forest. "They're not healing! Oh, wow this is amazing!"

"Hanji, please..." Eren shifted uncomfortably beneath her avid gaze. "I have to see Levi, can this wait?"

Hanji took a step forward, squinting up at Eren. "Can I see your arms first? Just for a second?"

Eren sighed, dropping his guard for her. When she sounded so pleading, it was hard to say 'no'. "Alright, go ahead."

Hanji immediately got to work, stripping the worn bandages from Eren's hands and forearms. She hummed as the cloth dropped to the ground, ignoring the anxious face of Eren above her. Mostly, being out in the hall was making him nervous, but anytime Hanji inspected him he was worried she would have bad news.

She ran her fingers over his uneven flesh, counting the number of marks on both arms. She was quick, and he didn't know how she always remembered the exact number from the time before, but she always did. She grinned up at Eren, letting him know everything checked out when a disgusted sigh from behind her made her look back curiously.

Eren watched as a cadet he didn't know walked down the hall, intending to pass them. He had eyed Hanji and upon seeing who she was with, had let his face contort in distaste. Eren did his best to ignore it, being over all used to that type of treatment.

"Something to say?" Hanji blocked his path, raising a brow to him. There was an undertone of venom in her voice.

The boy glanced up at Eren for a moment before dropping his gaze to Hanji. "Why is he here?"

"None of your business, kid." Eren growled, more irritated with the cadet's lack of respect than anything else. Hanji held up a hand to him.

"To see Levi. It was a personal request by the Commander himself." Hanji turned to face the boy fully. "You see, they're close. Very close. So close, in fact, that if anything ever happened to Captain Jaeger, the Commander would not sleep until he found who was personally responsible and..."

She stopped, scrunching her brow as if in thought. The cadet looked worriedly back at Eren, clearly a lot less confident than before.

"Well," she continued. "The last guy has yet to be found. But, I guess that's to be expected from and ex-thug."

The cadet went wide-eyed, mouth gaping. He stumbled back when Hanji walked towards him, smiling heavily. He turned and hurried down the hall, not looking back before disappearing around the corner.

"Hanji." An irritated voice to their left called out. Eren flinched, turning to face the man he'd come to see. Levi leaned against the doorframe to his office, very unimpressed with the shenanigans he’d witnessed. Hanji beamed at him.

"Sorry, Levi!" She laughed. "Just couldn't help myself."

"I'm going to ask you to refrain from dropping the "ex-thug" line from now on." He shook his head, rubbing his temples with his thumb and forefinger. He caught Eren's eye, smiling slightly despite himself.

"Eren, get in here." He turned without another word to Hanji, retreating back into his office.

Hanji slapped Eren on the shoulder and picked up his bandages before scurrying off with them. He didn't like going without them, it almost made him feel naked. But it was Levi he was seeing, and in the end it didn't really matter if the scars were visible.

He followed Levi into the room, shutting the door behind himself. The room was well lit, the curtains open so the sunlight poured in, and Eren felt comfortable with it. He always associated light with Levi since his room and office were always bright.

Levi stopped at his desk, turning to lean against it, and looked up at Eren. He stood there a moment, not sure what Levi would say. He was pretty banged up and just knew he was going to get a lecture of some sort. But then Levi was sighing and shaking his head.

"What the hell? Did you get into a fight with a bush?"

"Something like that." Eren chuckled, taking a seat on the small couch. "Had to go after Jean. The idiot went running off into the woods with bad gear."

Levi dropped his head into his hands, muffling his words. "The Survey Corps is run by children."

"Hey!" Eren snapped. "I brought him back and he only got a gash on his head. Everyone lived."

"Are you defending yourself or him?" Levi crossed his arms, mouth twitching into a smirk.

"What? Why would I defend him?" Eren huffed indignantly.

"Eren, please." Levi deadpanned. "You can't hide anything from me."

Eren twitched, refusing to budge even though he knew Levi could already tell something had went down on the mission. He crossed and recrossed his legs, trying his best to ignore the lazy stare from Levi.

"I swear to Sina if you don't start talking I'll release you to Hanji."

"Okay!" Eren put up his hands defensively, believing Levi completely. "Let's not go there."

Levi nodded, joining Eren on the couch. He leaned back and flopped an arm over the back, closing his eyes in exhaustion.

Eren picked at a scar on his right hand, just above the thumb. The raised, white flesh flashed red when he pressed on it, but had no feeling. He wasn't sure how to begin so he went straight for the kill.

"Jean kissed me."

Levi snorted.

"That's not funny!" Eren barked, cheeks flushing red. He stuck his hands between his thighs, completely embarrassed.

"Sorry," Levi breathed. "I'm not laughing. I was just expecting something more shocking."

"You were expecting that?!" Eren looked to him, eyes wide.

"Well, no," Levi admitted. "By this point I was expecting you two to have fucked but this is a start."

"Levi!" Eren stood, turning away to hide his tomato red cheeks.

"Oh, sit down!" Levi pulled Eren back by his arm. "You're not a brat anymore. Stop acting like one."

Eren fell back into the couch. "Does everyone think we should be a couple? Even Jean said so!"

"Oh?" Levi perked up, leaning forward slightly. "Did he now? Was that before or after you sucked face?"

"We didn't—" Eren started, but then took a calming breath. "It was a kiss. Not a make out session."

"Uh-huh. Sure, Eren." Levi mocked.

"Fine. We kind of made out."

"And?"

"Then I kissed him again later."

"So this means?"

"We kissed twice?"

Levi rolled his eyes, smacking Eren on the head. He ducked after the hit, feeling like he was being scolded. "What was that for?"

"Because all you see is the physical act and not what it means, you brat." Levi rose, crossing the room to his desk.

"I thought you said I wasn't a brat anymore!" Eren huffed.

"You're a grown man, but that doesn't mean I still can't call you a brat, brat." Levi grumbled and removed two tea cups from the desk. He had a small kitchen in the corner, just enough to brew tea in. He rummaged through the drawer a second longer before pulling out a roll of fresh bandages. He tossed them to Eren before returning to making the tea.

"Thanks," Eren said, catching the roll and pocketing it. He watched as Levi warmed up the water, and didn’t speak again until he was pouring the finished product. "So, what does it mean?"

"The kiss? That he wants something beyond being simply Captain and Commander." Levi passed him a tea cup, setting his own on the desk.

Eren stopped for a moment, remembering a similar conversation with Jean. He whispered, almost to himself, "So that's what he meant..."

Levi looked at him expectantly, curious as to what had crossed his mind. "He's said that to you before, then."

"Something very similar." Eren nodded.

"Is that what you want?" Levi sipped at the hot tea, seeming to be rather casual considering the question he was asking.

"Aren't we close enough?" Eren countered, ignoring his own tea on the small table beside himself.

"Close isn't good enough. When it comes to matters of the heart, it's all or nothing." Levi sat the cup down, giving Eren a knowing look.

Eren thought a moment, pulling up every moment and interaction with Jean. He knew their fleeting touches and nights alone sleeping by one another were a hair past normal. A strict Captain and Commander relationship was far beneath any of that. In fact, it seemed they had already moved beyond that status. What Jean wanted was already happening.

"I think," Eren looked up to meet Levi's eyes. "I think I want him. I want him the way he wants me."

"Why the hell are you telling me that?" Levi scoffed. He crossed the room and threw open the door to his office. "Get out of here."

Eren smiled, rising and abandoning his untouched tea, and then walked out of Levi's office. Before the door slammed shut, Levi spoke again.

"You're confessing to the wrong person."

 

\---

“Where have you been?” Armin sat up when Eren entered the dining hall. He’d spent all day with the Garrison, talking to Levi and letting Hanji exam him. Now the sun was setting and dinner was being served. Why Hanji had been there and not at the Survey Corps in the first place, was beyond him. It’s like she knew where Eren would be.

He flopped down next to Armin, Mikasa trailing behind him, and said, “Levi.”

Mikasa scowled, “What did he want?”

“To harass me.” Eren whined. Armin passed him a bowl of food he’d procured.

“I’m sure,” Armin replied sarcastically.

“Do you…” Eren leaned in to whisper to Armin. “Do you know where Jean is?”

Armin pulled back, a smile tugging at his lips. Mikasa pinched Eren’s arm, forcing his attention from Armin.

“Ow!”

“What was that about Jean?”

“Eren needs to confess his undying love!” Armin interrupted, laughing.

“No, I don’t!” Eren nearly shouted, causing a few people close by to glance up for a moment.

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Mikasa replied coolly. She relaxed, returning to her bowl of food.

Eren wanted to set them all straight and say he didn’t need to confess to anybody. But, the fact of the matter was he really needed to confess to Jean. The longer he avoided it, the more anxious he became. He wanted to just get it over with, knowing Jean would accept since he’d already said how he felt.

“Just tell me where he is.” Eren sighed, accepting Armin’s proud smile.

“He’s been waiting for you in his room.” Armin winked.

Eren’s stomach dropped as his heart beat quickened. He swallowed thickly, suddenly losing any appetite he’d had. With shaky limbs, he stood from the table, leaving behind a content Mikasa and grinning Armin.

His whole body felt tense as he hurriedly walked down the dimly lit halls. With each step, his heart beat heavily against his ribs. He found himself questioning why he was so nervous, why his palms were sweating and his heart racing. He already knew what Jean wanted; him. There was no reason to be so afraid of saying it back. Afraid? Was that what he was? Scared?

Jean was nothing to fear, through all the time they’d known one another, Eren had never been afraid of talking to Jean. But here he was, now standing outside his bedroom door, seriously debating if knocking was appropriate. In the end, he reached for the doorknob, turning it like always.

“Eren?” Jean looked up from the small desk opposite his bed when the door opened. He stood when Eren didn’t immediately step inside. “Just come in already.”

“Right, sorry.” Eren closed the door behind himself, standing awkwardly. Although he was nervous, Eren felt a wave of relief come over him upon seeing Jean. It was most likely a mix of his presence and lack of clothes. He’d stripped out of his uniform, wearing nothing but a pair of sleeping pants. Apparently he wasn’t planning on going out again that night.

Jean started to walk towards Eren, reaching out to him as he did, but then stopped when Eren flinched. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” Eren stammered. “It’s warm in here, don’t you think?

“No?” Jean squinted at him. “Why don’t you take off your jacket if you’re hot?”

Eren shrugged out of the jacket that marked his affiliation with the Survey Corps, loosening the straps across his chest as he did. Jean took it from him, draping it over the back of his wooden desk chair. The top of the desk was littered with papers, a candle glowing brightly even under the light from the setting sun filtering through the open window.

“So, did you want something?” Jean’s meaning was not missed by Eren. The way the words had rolled off his tongue, heavy and sweet, sent a shiver down his spine.

“Yeah,” Eren started, but then stopped when Jean stepped closer. He closed the space between them, placing his hands on the door on either side of Eren’s shoulders.

“Tell me,” Jean leaned in and whispered in Eren’s ear. “Tell me what you want.”

Instinctively, Eren’s hands found Jean’s shoulders, trying to find purchase but failing when his nails grazed his flesh.

“I want…”

Jean pressed his lips against Eren’s neck encouragingly, prompting him to speak. But, it only succeeded in making him gasp and dig his nails in further. Jean didn’t mind in the least, in fact, he was quite pleased with the way it sent goosebumps down his arms and back.

He placed another kiss just beneath his ear. “You want?”

“ _Tch!_ ” Eren turned his face away in an attempt to break free. Unfortunately for him, it only gave Jean better access.

Jean pressed in further, setting his toned chest flush with Eren’s clothed one. His breath fell over the damp flesh he’d been kissing, making Eren squirm. He stilled then, with his lips brushing Eren’s ear.

“Tell me and I’ll stop.” Jean chuckled lightly.

“Do I have to say it?” Eren pouted, glancing at the crescent marks his nails had left in Jean’s skin.

Jean pulled back and ran a hand through Eren’s hair, taking the tie that held it all in place with him. He released Eren and sauntered to his bed, perching on the edge of it. He looked back without saying anything and that was enough to make Eren follow. He wanted nothing more than to touch Jean and hold him and feel his body next to his. His presence was comforting and Eren wanted more of it.

He stopped in front of him, standing over him, because Jean had gripped his wrists to hold him in place. The orange hue across the room from the setting sun was getting dimmer by the minute. Surprisingly, the candle was more than enough to see by. As Jean reached up and began to undo the straps across Eren’s chest, the shadows shifted across his face. He could see over Jean’s head, their image painted on the wall. He could see as Jean’s hands pushed the belts from off his shoulders, tugged at the one at his waist, and as they fell to the floor.

He looked down then, because Jean was guiding him to the bed, making him sit like he had been. Now Jean was on his knees below him, pulling the boots from his feet. Next went the straps from his legs, abandoned in the growing pile of leather and metal buckles. Jean stood and sat back next to Eren who had been too stunned to say anything the whole time.

“Feel better?” Jean whispered, placing a kiss to Eren’s cheek.

Eren blushed heavily, but found his heart was strangely calm. “Y-yeah, thanks.”

Jean intertwined their fingers, barely noticing the lack of bandages on Eren. Jean’s own bandages had been abandoned when he had come home. He waited patiently for Eren to speak, their only connection being their hands.

“I want what you want.” Eren finally admitted. “Like, a relationship, I guess.”

“Holy shit.” Jean breathed, clenching Eren’s hand with his own. “Sorry, but that was really cute.”

“I’m not cute!” Eren protested for a moment, but anything he’d have wanted to say further was silenced by Jean.

He leaned over to Eren and kissed him fiercely, releasing his hand to grip his hair. Eren instantly melted into it, falling back into the warm blankets with Jean over him. Jean shifted to straddle Eren’s hips, making him buck up without thinking about it. Eren stiffened, embarrassed he had done something like that.

Jean broke their kiss, breathing heavily, “Do it again.”

Eren caught his dark, brown eyes, hazy and clouded. He swallowed as Jean dropped his hips, pushing his weight onto him. There it was again, the instinct to push back. His hips twitched, desiring the friction Jean provided. Then he gave into it.

He gripped Jean’s hips through the thin fabric of his pants and ground his own hips up into him. Jean had been going in for another kiss but then he dropped his head to Eren’s shoulder, growling out Eren’s name. The way his clothed erection brushed against Jean’s sent a shock through his body. It surprised him enough to make him fall limply against the bed, arms wrapping around Jean’s shoulders

“Eren,” Jean whined. “Kiss me.”

Eren complied, tugging at the short strands of Jean’s hair until their lips met. It was hot and deep and Jean tasted as immensely sweet as he remembered. They stayed that way for a while longer, lips flushed and swollen as they kissed, and their hips clashing into one another. Eren started to slow first, sleep tugging heavily at his consciousness.

Jean noticed the lazy way he was kissing back and leaned his forehead against Eren’s. “Sleepy?”

Eren nodded, arms still wrapped around Jean’s shoulders. Eren tried to kiss him again but Jean placed a finger over his lips, chuckling.

“You can sleep here, with me.” Jean sat up, and tugged Eren’s shirt over his head. He smiled when Eren closed his eyes, giving in. He undid the buttons on Eren’s pants, tugging them down with barely any help from his exhausted Captain.

He threw the blankets over Eren before shutting the window to the night sky and blowing out the candle. Eren grunted when Jean crawled into bed next to him, he turned in his light sleep and threw an arm over Jean’s chest. He kissed the top of his head, smiling into his unruly hair.

“Goodnight, Eren.”


	12. Way with Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Shows up 2 months late with porn* My bad guys....

The first thing that crossed Eren’s mind when he woke was how cramped he felt. There was a heavy weight across his chest and his legs felt restricted and tangled in _something_. Unable to open his eyes just yet, he tried to tug his limbs free and whined pathetically when they wouldn’t budge. The worst part was the heat that accompanied the things that trapped him into his bed.

“Stop movin’, stupid.”

Eren froze upon hearing a voice mumble into his ear. He wearily blinked his eyes open and saw a room that was definitely not his. He turned his head and came face to face with a disgruntled Jean Kirschtein. Brown eyes squinted at him in the dim, morning light, watching his every move.

For a moment Eren’s heart leaped into his throat but then he remembered the events of the night before and how he had basically passed out in Jean’s bed. Of course, there had been a lot of kissing and grinding that had led up to that moment. That thought was more than enough to wake him up fully. He shifted his legs and was surprised to feel the blankets against his bare skin.

“Are we naked?” Eren whispered.

“No,” Jean grumbled quietly. “Why are we whispering?”

Eren shrugged, lifting up the covers to inspect whether or not Jean was a liar. “Well _you’re_ definitely not naked. I seem to be missing clothes that I didn’t take off.”

“You have underwear, dumbass.” Jean rolled onto his side to face Eren and tugged the blankets back down. “And some impressive morning wood. Nice.”

Eren blushed and rolled away from Jean who simply laughed and tugged him back into his arms. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Eren buried his face into his hands and mumbled, “I hate you.”

“Hmm?” Jean nuzzled the nape of his neck and rocked his hips into Eren’s backside. “That’s not what you said last night.”

A high pitched squeak forced it’s way out of Eren’s lips and was garbled by his hands that still clung to his face. Jean was enjoying how sensitive Eren was being but that didn’t last long. His low chuckles were quickly silenced when Eren bucked back into him and rubbed his ass against Jean’s front.

Jean grunted and bit into Eren’s shoulder on reflex. Now Eren wasn’t the only one sporting a boner at the crack of dawn. “Goddammit, Jaeger!”

Eren looked over his shoulder, admiring the flushed face that glared back at him. “Whats wrong? You can dish it out but can’t take it?”

Jean growled low in his throat before swinging a leg over Eren and pushing his shoulders down to straddle his waist. For a moment, the look on Eren’s face said he regretted teasing Jean. But when he took in the sight of the bare chest above him and pink tinged cheeks, he smirked heavily.

Jean leaned in and Eren thought he was going to kiss him but then his lips found his ear. “You’re really hot, you know that?”

Eren sucked in a breath, his arousal definitely peaked. Jean nipped at his ear and then Eren was complete putty in his hands. The fight in him dissipated so quickly it would have been frightening in any other situation. But this was Jean, and as long as it was just the two of them, he didn’t have to be on edge.

Jean trailed kisses and bites down his neck, teasing his tongue against his collarbone. Eren panted underneath him and turned his head away to expose his neck more. It seemed to be a rather sensitive area and the more Jean sucked at his flesh, the more Eren's hips twitched.

“Eren.” Jean whispered his name, blowing air over his wet skin. “How fast can you heal?”

Eren scrunched his brow, trying to comprehend through the fog that had settled over his brain what Jean was asking. “I don’t… what?”

Jean pulled away from him and rubbed the tender flesh with his thumb, pulling a low whine from Eren. “Can I leave a visible mark or do I need to get creative?”

Eren swallowed, shaking his head slightly. “C-creative.”

Jean’s eyes widened and his ever present smirk faltered. “Holy shit that was hot.”

“Me?” Eren countered. “I’m not the one trying to seduce his Captain by marking him.”

“Is that a complaint?” Jean sat up fully, digging his ass into the erection he could feel beneath him.

“A-ahh!” Eren squirmed and gripped Jean’s thighs. Realizing the noise that he had just made was a tad loud, he bit his lip.

“I didn’t think so.” Jean rotated his hips, desperate to pull out another sound like that.

“Fuck, Jean… _please_.” Eren gripped his thighs tighter and arched off the bed the best he could with Jean’s weight on him. “Don’t tease!”

Jean lifted his hips and slid back, dragging his nails down Eren’s torso as he did. He peppered kisses along his abdomen and admired the angry red marks from his scratches. He flashed his eyes up and nearly groaned when he saw two green eyes staring down at him.

“What are you doing?” Eren’s voice was shaky and it nearly cracked when he spoke. Jean merely raised a brow as if to say _“like you don’t already know.”_ Eren yanked the blankets away from them, suddenly overcome by the intense heat. He dug his fingers into the sheets when Jean bit down on the sharp angle of his hip bone.

Then, Jean was sucking at his skin, teeth digging into his sweaty flesh. He moved from spot to spot just above the line of the last article of clothing he wore, leaving deep purple bruises in his wake. Eren flopped back against the pillows, arms no longer able to support his weight.

“Shit… Jean, holy fuck _nghh!_ ” The rest of his sentence was lost in a garbled moan when his boxers were pulled down and he could feel hot breath falling over his aching cock.

“Can I touch you?” The simple request had Eren backpedaling and very confused. Of course Jean could touch him, why would he not be able to? Why would Eren stop him? Jean could basically do anything he wanted to Eren and he would love it.

He sat up slightly and glared down at him. “Jean Kirschtein, if you don’t touch me I _will_ kick your ass.”

“Oh good,” Jean smirked. “I was starting to think horny Eren was a little bitch.”

“Fuck you.”

“Of course.” Jean winked.

Eren groaned and fell back into the pillows and considered smacking him for all of two seconds before there was a warm finger trailing down the length of his dick. If Jean hadn’t been nearly on top of his legs, Eren would have wrapped them around Jean at this point. His hips bucked up into the touch as his eyes clamped shut and teeth dug into his lips to silence a yell.

“These walls are pretty thick. Don’t bite your lips off just to be quiet.” Jean sounded as cocky as ever.

“How eloquently put.” Eren rolled his eyes, not able to sound as sarcastic as he wanted when he was panting so heavily.

“That’s a big word, Eren. You sure you used it right?” Jean grinned up at him from his position hovering over Eren’s arousal. He licked slowly from the base to the tip where beads of precome were alreay leaking. Eren bit into his fist, not wanting to give in. He took a deep breath and chanced a glance down to Jean.

“Why don’t you put your mouth to better use already?” Eren couldn’t help but smile at his own taunt. He had to admit it was pretty good.

“You son of a bitch.” Jean beamed at him, clearly pleased. Their eyes met, and despite the odd position of Jean inches from Eren’s dick, they smiled at each other. Minus the naked and lying in bed together part, it felt like old times. Silently, as they held each other’s gazes, they knew that. They knew all the tension had ebbed away and that nothing had changed for them. It was as if this had always been normal. The way Jean’s eyes softened when Eren sighed happily was more than enough conversation for them to understand each other.

“Don’t say anything sappy while my dick is out.” Eren furrowed his brow at the dreamy look in Jean’s eye.

Jean sighed. “Really, Eren?”

“What? You had this loo-- _Ah!_ ”

Jean gripped the base of his cock and wrapped his lips around the head, thoroughly silencing Eren’s complaints. Eren dropped back into the pillow, his hands moving to Jean’s shoulders almost like a reflex. He dug his nails into his skin as Jean’s head bobbed up and down, taking in as much of Eren as he could.

“You didn’t… “ Eren tried to speak around his moans. “Just… no warning!”

Jean hummed and the vibrations had Eren’s toes tingling and his eyes rolling back, a slew of profanities falling from his lips. Jean still had a firm grip on the base of his cock, squeezing and stroking the parts not covered by his mouth. Eren tried desperately to buck up into the wet heat, constantly needing more of it.

Jean had anticipated this based on experience. Eren couldn’t keep his hips still. Not that he particularly minded, he could only imagine how amazing Eren would be on top with that much hip action. But right now he was trying not to gag and Eren was making it difficult.

He gripped Eren’s hip with his free hand and shoved him back into the mattress. Eren whined and finally his hands were in Jean’s hair, tugging and pulling at the light colored strands. Jean groaned around the cock in his mouth, eyes watering from the effort.

“J-Jean… I think… _oh god_.” He tugged at Jean’s hair but he didn’t let up. Instead Jean hollowed out his cheeks and sucked a little harder, pulling Eren deeper into his mouth. Eren’s back arched off the bed as he fought against the hand that held him down, desperately wanting to fuck his dick into Jean’s mouth.

“Ffffuck, Jean I-- _Nnghh!_ ” With one final suck that had Jean’s tongue pressed flat against the underside of his dick, Eren came with a jolt into Jean’s mouth. He whined his name in gratitude when Jean released the hand holding his hip down, allowing Eren to buck up into his mouth and ride out his orgasm.

Jean pulled away from Eren, wiping his lips on the back of his hand. Eren was a panting, blushing mess. His brown hair splayed across the white pillow, some sticking to the sweat of his cheeks and forehead. The sight made Jean’s dick twitch and then he remembered how achingly hard he was. He’d been so distracted by pleasing Eren he’d nearly forgotten himself.

Eren noticed the bulge between Jean’s thighs. His sleeping pants weren’t exactly thick enough to hide something like that. His heavily lidded eyes dropped to Jean’s waist, unabashedly staring at the thing he wanted most in that moment. Eren wanted to think all of this was strange or wrong, but when Jean crawled forward and captured Eren’s lips in a heated kiss, he could no longer picture what was so wrong about it.

The kiss was salty and bitter and Eren registered faintly it was because Jean _swallowed_. He really couldn’t care less, not with Jean’s arousal pressed into his exposed thigh or his hands brushing sweat soaked strands of hair from his face. Jean ended the kiss with a small peck to his cheek and nuzzled into his neck.

“Did you mean what you said last night?” Jean mumbled against Eren’s hair.

Eren retraced his steps, trying to rack his brain to remember the events from last night more clearly. He’d come to Jean’s room, hoping to finally admit his feelings but Jean was all over him. Kissing and caressing then removing his gear and shoes before their hands were intertwined and Eren was able to speak. He’d told Jean he wanted to be in a relationship with him. Flat out said it with no sense of finesse.

Eren grunted, not wanting to admit he’d been so callous. “Can I rephrase it?”

Jean sat up abruptly, brow furrowing. “You’re not about to tell me you didn’t want this, are you?”

“Wha-- no!” Eren shook his head, almost laughing at the idea after what they’d just done. “I suck at words. I wanted to say it right.”

Jean rocked his hips into Eren’s thigh and chuckled when he gasped. “Eren, if I liked you for your way with words, I might not be fit for Commander after all.”

“Whatever,” Eren sighed. “To answer your question, yes I meant it. Maybe it’s because we spend so much time together, or because you genuinely care about me, or maybe even because you’ve become the leader I always knew you could be. But I…”

Eren’s mouth went dry. His tongue was suddenly very heavy and the words he _meant_ to say were suddenly becoming tangled with the words he _wanted_ to say. What did Jean mean to him? Was it really as simple as liking his presence or wanting to kiss him? He fumbled around with his thoughts as Jean looked at him suspiciously.

“‘But I’, what?” Jean followed Eren’s gaze as it wandered around the room. “You look like you’re hiding some--”

A loud series of knocks made them both jump, then a voice was shouting from beyond the door. “Commander! Commander-in-Chief Erwin Smith is here to see you!”

“Fucking great.” Jean rolled off of Eren, plopping his bare feet onto the cool floor. He crossed the room and cracked the door open, careful to hide most of his body behind the door. Of course, tiny Liza was the messenger, standing a good five feet back from the entrance to Jean’s room.

“Commander, sorry to bother you so early but the Commander-in-Chief said it was urgent.” Liza saluted him but he waved the formal greeting down, feeling it was odd to be saluted when he was half naked.

“Don’t worry about it,” he grumbled. “He in the guest quarters?”

Liza nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Tell him I’ll be there within the hour.” Jean started to close the door but then Liza piped up again.

“Commander! You wouldn’t happen to know where Captain Jaeger is, do you? It’s just that the Commander-in-Chief wanted to see him as well but he wasn’t in his room so… “ Liza trailed off, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. Jean watched as she shifted her weight from foot to foot before he sighed.

“He heard you, don’t worry about it.” Jean moved to shut the door and the last thing he saw was a bright blush spreading across Liza’s cheeks before she rushed back down the hall. At least she wasn’t a talker like Connie. If it had been him delivering the message, the whole Survey Corps would know about Eren and Jean before they even had a chance to shower.

“She’s smart.” Eren laughed. He’d managed to squirm back into his boxers and was perched on the edge of the bed when Jean came back. “I’d bet money that she knew I was here in the first place.”

“She’s also in love with you.” Jean pulled his button down shirt over his shoulders, sending a pointed look back to Eren.

“You’re just saying that because you’re mad you’re leavin’ this room with a half chub.” Eren pulled on his pants that were left in the discarded pile from the night before and yanked them over his hips.

“Watch it, Jaeger,” Jean growled threateningly. “I could easily throw you over my desk, fuck you senseless and _still_ make it to Erwin on time.”

Eren took a step back and nearly toppled onto the messy bed. Something about the threat was more impressive than sexual. “Right, sorry.”

Jean sighed as he stripped out of his sleeping pants before stepping into the standard issue white uniform ones. “Besides,” he continued. “I said that because it’s true. Everyone knows it.”

“Oh?” Eren had finished putting his clothes on, not bothering with the annoying straps just yet. “Is that why you said that I heard you so she knew without a doubt I was in here? Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”

“Of a kid?” Jean scoffed. “Never. Now finish getting dressed, we’ve got a meeting apparently.”

“Right, whatever,” Eren groaned.

Nearly half an hour later they were both decked out in their Survey Corps uniforms, straps included, and were heading out the door. Eren had wrapped up his hands and arms with the spare bandages Levi had given him but he couldn’t seem to find the hair tie Jean had yanked out the night before. With a very disheveled looking Captain, Jean led the way out of his room.

“Eren,” Jean called as he shut the door behind them. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten you were avoiding saying something to me earlier.”

“What?” Eren looked up from his wrist where he’d been tugging on a loose string from the bandages.

“You were saying why you liked me or some shit and then trailed off.” Jean rolled his eyes, annoyed with Eren’s piss-poor memory. “I’m not going to forget.”

Eren swallowed heavily as Jean walked past him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that Eren had no idea what he’d wanted to say to Jean, it was that he knew exactly what words were bubbling under the surface but had no idea how to say them.

He trailed after Jean, completely silent and desperately trying to work up the courage to express his feeling with the right words. After all, Jean had reminded him words were not his strong suit.

 

**Author's Note:**

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> sariahhime.tumblr.com


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